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Not Ashamed Anymore

How do you start off one of those? Do you jump in with both feet or just float there hoping for the best?

Well for along time I was floater. I was ashamed of my needs and wants. I was already an outsider to my family and feeling what I was feeling, would it make it worse?

Then I thought if I step into this life and start looking for a Daddy, would I just been seen as another girl with daddy issues.

Its hard knowing you need something so deeply and badly and know it isn't the "normal". I'm not ashamed of myself anymore, but it does scare me. But here I am jumping with two fit in and I'm hoping to find the right Daddy for me.
6 years ago. Saturday, July 6, 2019 at 8:30 PM

Hi again!

So it's been along few months! Finally after weeks and weeks of bullshit I have finally found out the truth and I feel so much better.

Feeling like I was the problem, that I was crazy, that I was stupid, but only to find out I found myself in yet another abusive relationship sucked dick! Not all parties were abusive but the head of the party was. Wanted me to be someone I wasn't, to write down a mintue by mintue play by play of my day, what I was doing every second. Was always up my ass about something, only to find out I was the only one getting this treatment was like a punch to that stomach! I was always being turned into someones twin, to be just the same as that other person. It was so draining and overwhelming, it drove me into a deep depression and my anxiety was driving me to throw up and over think everything.

Also being stocked by one said person and knew things I only shared within the party was messed up. I had to move and change up my daily schedule, because I felt too open and worried..... Only to find out it was a funny like trick to keep eyes on me..... And they said online dating would be fun....

 

Anyways on a much more happier note, being able to find people you can laugh, be funny, silly and still have a serious conversation is so refreshing and I'm so excited to feel safer and healthier!!! ?

 

Much brighter days ahead! 

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