a masochists memoir

the first time i went to subspace, i didn't even know there was a thing called subspace.
but there's more before that, it's a long, sad story.

i never thought i was into bdsm. i thought it was too much for me to handle.

but i craved pain.

the type of pain that could give me the release. the type of release that i was told was not healthy growing up, the release, the high, floating with the moon.

but what if you slip and you cut your wrists too deep

the release from putting my cigarette out on my forearm while going 72 down a gravel road
they told me it was wrong and that there was simply no healthy way to experience those feelings again.

and then one day someone took a chance on me.