The Inner Workings of A Serial Submissive

Submission is yielding to the authority of another person.  We, as submissives, thrive from giving over control to our Dominant.  My heart races when I am given a task. I am exhilarated when I am praised for being pleasing.  However, when I am tasked to take time for myself, or do something for just me, or to say no to an obligation that I really shouldn’t take on, I feel a bit defensive at times.  Doesn’t my Dominant know that I don’t have time for that? Surely He understands that I can’t just say no to anyone asking anything of me. 

Submission isn't  just for the kinky parts of BDSM. There are other parts that our Dominants demand control over that are far more difficult to let go of at times. Allowing our Dominant to pamper or spoil us is so very hard. Giving over the daily worry and letting Them guide us in our daily lives makes Them happy.  Why would something so small seem to be so big of a deal for us to let go of?

  It can feel as if we are being too indulgent to stop and take that moment for ourselves. We get so caught up in dealing with our everyday lives….work, school, home, kids (fur baby and or the two legged kind). Sometimes it feels as if there aren’t enough hours in the day to get it all done. Our Dominants see that we are spreading ourselves too thin and needing rest.  They want to keep us from burning out and becoming physically unhealthy. This is one of the ways that our Dominants show care for us, not just to irritate us. They have an outside view and can see the whole picture as we are so focused and in the thick of it.

 It can be downright terrifying to be that vulnerable by allowing our Dominant to be that in tune with our emotional side. It is scary to let our Dominant into our inner workings and get used to Them helping us with everything.  What happens if They leave or decide that They don’t want to help any more? What if  we are too complicated to deal with, or we aren’t worth all of this work? We don’t see that this is the very part of us that the Dominant needs from us. It pleases our Dominant to be able to care for us in every way and to feel needed by us.

Trusting our Dominant with these parts of our submission may seem insignificant, but it allows them to know us as no one else does. It can bring you closer and make communication better. Dominants need to be needed. Submissives need to be wanted. Allowing  our Dominant to do his job well by guiding our physical, emotional, and kinky sides lets us do our job well in pleasing our Dominant in every way that we can.

Again this year I was pleasantly surprised with another fucking calendar from my family.  I truly have worn them down. 😊

today’s fucking words of wisdom…..

The moral of this story is that you can find your self confidence in the oddest of places if you step out of your comfort zone.

I gave the ending of my story first, but it’s mine and I can tell it any way I want to.  Besides, I made you look!

We boarded the van after our flight into Punta Cana, ready to be at our journey’s end. The lady in front of me turned around and asked which resort we were staying at. Her face lit up when I told her and she exclaimed that she and her husband were staying at the same one. She spent the next 35 minutes telling me how much fun they have and all of the activities they do on the beach, from volleyball, to bocce ball, and bingo, and karaoke. She said that they met 5 other couples there every year and had for the last few years, then she invited us to join in when we got there.

We parted ways with the couple when we got to the hotel and got settled in.  We had lunch and made our way to the beach.  As we set up our chairs and got our drinks, I looked around and didn’t see any of this “fun” that the lady had been going on and on about. I figured that maybe the other couples hadn’t arrived yet. We spent the rest of the day like lumps on the beach like everyone else, reading, napping, and ignoring each other.

After dinner, we went looking for some live entertainment in the bars on the resort and ran into the couple. Ted said that they had been waiting for us and were disappointed that we hadn’t shown up.  We explained that we were indeed at the beach and hadn’t seen them.  Ted smiled, “you weren’t at the nude beach.” My jaw dropped! “Nude beach?”, I asked.

There was a second, private beach on this resort. It was for nude sunbathers. You could only go as a couple, no single people. There were no cameras, clothing, or any romantic advances allowed.  

I nervously giggled when Ted and Sue insisted that we go down to the beach with them the next morning.  I was damn near a prude back then and very self conscious of my looks and body. I told them that we would think about it.  We mingled with the other couples and as we were about to all part ways, they asked one last time if we would be going.  I laughed and said that we would, but they had all better stand up and give me a standing ovation when I stripped.  

The next morning came way too soon. I cannot tell you how many times we almost backed out, but we walked onto that beach like troopers.   I found a corner lounge chair by the pool and felt every eye on me.  I may be many things, but a quitter isn’t one of them, so I shimmied out of my cover up and stood naked in public for the very first time. Chairs scooted out and people on the whole beach stood up and the clapping and cheering roared in my ears!  I took a bow and laughed. 

In my fear and focus of my flaws, I had forgotten the conversation the night before. In that moment I felt beautiful and accepted for myself. I felt light and free. I spent the week naked as much as I could.  I still think about that amazing week and how I learned to embrace my self confidence.

They like their Dominos, their Sweet' N Low, their cookie-cutter queens
Simple syrup overdose and their cotton candy dreams
Little pink package you put me in
Serving it up like saccharin
Always had a bitter taste to me
And all the boys say
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme some of that sugar (sugar)
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme something sweet
They want my sugar and spice and everything nice
And they're begging for a taste of my cherry pie
But I'm never, never, never, never ever gon' give'em a piece (uh-uh)

Waxing technician rips the sugar concoction from my body.

Me:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Waxing technician, bewildered:   Am I tickling you?

Me: Fuck no! That hurts like hell!  HAHAHAHA!!!!                         

My dog loses her mind when I go to put a collar on her. She gets this excited and crazed look in her eyes and cannot sit still. She whines and practically hops around so that it takes me forever to get the thing on her. I stop and give the command to sit. She sits up at attention and is perfectly still, but the second I try to put the collar on again, she loses her mind again. 

The reason that she does this is because she equates the collar with fun time. I give undivided attention to her and she gets to run and pick things up for me during her training. She loves to please me.  

My heart beats faster and I get a little breathless when you tell me to go put a toy in. This means that you will be giving me some much needed and undivided attention. I live to please you and love our play time. To hear you call me your good girl and bask in your love is sheer heaven.

I can't be mad at the silly dog because I know why she acts this way. Funny how these things pop into my head, but then I think of you always. I know that thrill and happiness, so I try to be as patient with her as you are with me.  

I am reading a book that has so many points that hit home for me.  I am starting a chapter about the difference in kink and abuse. When I decided that I wanted a D/s relationship, I did a bit of soul searching. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just repeating the past because it is all that I knew. My conclusion was that the difference for me is the intent and motives of my Dom when he provides what I crave.

The goal in the past was to make it through the day without confrontation, always afraid of what would happen if I angered anyone. There can be quite a few similarities in kink and abuse at times, depending on how you view it. Of course, that is different for each of us. Name calling, control, and pain are the big ones for me. 

Name calling in the past was to tear me down and make me feel worthless. Control was to show me how helpless I was to do anything on my own accord. Pain was doled out without consent or thought of damage. 

Now for me, name calling during play makes me feel desired and wanted.  "My whore" or "my slut" is possessive and why would you want to possess me if I wasn't worthy. Control is now a way for you to help me with self care and over all well being. You help take stress off of me by making decisions for me so I can be happy in following while knowing that you have my best interest in mind. And pain is given because you wish to excite me and know that just the right mix of pain and pleasure gives me the most exquisite orgasm. 

My definitions are changing with this journey that I am on. My boundaries and expectations have moved. Things are not what they used to be and they certainly don’t affect me like they once did. I glance back and see how far I’ve come.  I look ahead and anticipate the future and what is in store for me.  I read and learn more every day about this lifestyle.  

I found this article on an Alternative Lifestyle discussion and education forum.

I have been doing some inner construction, measuring, cutting away, adding to, feng-shuing. As with most everything, I need to see it in writing. Things get jumbled up in my head and I lose track of where I am in the process or what I was working on. I need to be able to go back to it and reread it. I need it in black and white.

Habits to change:

1  Being afraid to say no to people. They do what I allow them to and only I can set and keep my boundaries.

2  Being afraid to walk away. Not everyone is made to fit into my life. Waiting for them to become what I need is a waste of time.

3  Being afraid that I don't deserve good things or good treatment. I deserve to be important and loved, and made to feel those things without question.

4  Being afraid that I am not enough. I have some very wonderful qualities that make me a great person. 

5  Being afraid to be true to myself and not conform to what others want me to be. I will never be happy if I am not truly myself and always have to play a part. 

Why do I do these things?

I noticed that each one started with "being afraid". I am afraid to hurt other people's feelings and not worry about what it does to me. I feel guilty for upsetting or inconveniencing anyone no matter how it affects me. I am worried that people will see that I am not worth the time and effort that I need, so I don't give them the opportunity to get close.

What happens if I change these habits?

I will attract the right people for me, the ones that will be proud of me for this. I will have true friends and loved ones that will respect my boundaries and love me for who I am and what I offer to the relationship. I will be freely given the same love and care that I give. They will build me up and help me when I stumble. 

I will lose the toxic and fake people. The ones that prey on my weakness will tire of me and move on. Their true nature will shine through and I will see them for what they really are. I am so much better off without them anyway, so why worry about pissing them off. 

So here it is. I WILL NO LONGER LIVE IN FEAR! I will stand my ground and love with my whole heart. I will allow others to really see me and decide where they fit into my life by their actions. I will allow others to love and care for me as I deserve to be loved and cared for.