“Class has nothing to do with the price tag on your outfit. Class is about the dignity you carry yourself with and the level of respect you show to those around you.”
… this was the caption of an article I read many years ago ... and have thinking about it a lot lately (my apologies now for being long-winded)
There is an unfortunate stigma that revolves around society which tells us that men don’t appreciate good women and vice versa. Or, even worse; the supporting stigma out there, that good people are becoming harder and harder to actually find, people of integrity, class and compassion.
Granted there are men and women alike, who, when faced with a situation, suddenly their behaviour takes on a whole new persona from what was previously shown. Or the chameleon takes over … different behaviours for different people. This seems to be a common thing when things in a relationship change. You see it all the time, in families, with friends, and of course, here, is no exception.
I can only speak from my personal experiences, observances and discussions as a woman. I write from the heart and according to what I really think and believe and have experienced.
And, please, know I am the first one to admit, I am NOT perfect. In my life, I have done and said things that have hurt people, just as deeply. I believe what I've learned most from those times, is how to show respect and compassion with someone. The most growth I've done, as a person, the most learning about myself, has been by MY actions and words in a situation. And I remind myself of the times I have failed, to help me remember how to treat others, always.
I have lived most of my life not understanding my unique personality and special submissive qualities. I have been taken advantage of and hurt to the point that I think my heart will never heal. And because of that, I have been very careful of who I let get close enough. Close enough to do damage to my heart when not cared for with loving hands.
I spend incredible amounts of time observing others. How they conduct themselves with others and me. It’s not until I feel extremely safe that I let them close and only a few have ever been allowed. Not to say, I haven’t been wrong at times. And when I have, the pain is almost unbearable, because the wounds go to the depths of my heart that I allowed that person to reach.
Trust, Love and Communication, all need to be present. TLC is a good way to remember that, without TLC there can be no healthy relationship of any kind, whether it is D/s, vanilla, or a friendship. When that TLC is ripped away, it causes us to think and feel that there are no good people out there. We recoil into ourselves in an effort to protect our hearts from further hurt.
In turn, I write on behalf of the good men out there who think and feel the same things that I do.
I think most men understand that a beautiful face (or body) means nothing without a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind. Good, mature, established men recognize the value of having a partner in life. Someone he can take on the world with. Someone he can share ideas and discuss life with. Someone who can stand on her own and is with him because she wants him, not because she needs him. (although for a sub, I think these are interdependent - see Morley’s blog, Wants vs Needs)
Men crave depth and integrity in women, as much as women do with men. In fact, they want to find someone with these qualities. They love and appreciate mature, driven, intelligent women. Yet, I see and read of women (and men) who possess these qualities but feel eternally unappreciated and afraid to venture into relationships.
Why??
Because we have all felt that heartache by the treatment of someone we trusted or have been the one breaking that trust. We internalize it as our inadequacies and it can paralyze us from learning from it and moving forward. When, in fact, I believe, it is the level of respect we show to someone whose trust has been damaged, that helps us learn for our future relationships.
Our value and self-worth comes from within, that’s why it’s called self-worth. How we learn from our mistakes is where true growth happens.
All you good men, I know many of you out there feel unappreciated too. I know you have great qualities and are kind-hearted, genuine, and giving.
The fact of the matter is that good men and women are out there. Speaking from my own perspective, most want romance, courtship, chivalry, and respect. They want your love and your loyalty. And they want to give you all of these things in return.
Stay strong, stay positive, and stay true to yourself. I truly believe that people are brought together just at the right time for their relationship to grow that is right for them, because they are both at a point in their lives that makes it true, real and right. That is when that deep connection is felt and continues to grow over time.
The RIGHT person will love everything about you, the good, the bad and the ugly, we all possess it ... focus on and enjoy the ONE who IS worthy of your thoughts and time.
As for the ones who have not treated you with respect ... they are not deserving of your time and energy...they still have much to learn.
So ... Stand up, people of integrity, class and compassion. The world needs you, are looking for you.
Funny, I saw a post recently that made me chuckle because it is so true ...
They are so sadly mistaken ... but if the shoes fits ...
This is about me … how I try to live my life and what I look for in others, people of substance ... the kind of people whom I choose to spend time with.
Stay strong, stay positive, and stay true to yourself.
