It's after 4:00 a.m. and in the quiet of a sleepless night, it's clear to me, sleep will not come for me tonight now. The dawn of a new, fresh day is brightening the sky. This lilkitten, this baby girl’s curiosity is piqued and rolling yet calming thoughts of my future flow like a river. I know I can be impatient at times (something that my little and I need to work on).
The mind of a sub is quite a curious place. Just as I’m sure it is in that of a Dom, yet so very intriguing to me.
Someone used to say to me, “darling, never judge a book by its cover”. Little did I understand then and certainly not to any depth, how those words now bring me to smile, a deep inward smile.
I am a mature lady living what most would describe as a rather stereotypical life, in many ways and certainly in style and nature. I enjoy many simple pleasures, quiet strolls in morning, a good cup of tea, the feel of fingers running through my hair, forehead kisses.
My image has a signature style often described as a librarian style. I wear my hair both straight or in soft loose curls. My style is simple and practical. But all of this is my mask to my real life, the real me. Behind this veneer of everyday propriety lurks a woman with a fevered, festering mind, flooded with fetish thoughts and kinky desires. Scenes and acts, the kinky stories burn in my head. They are devilish thoughts that awaken my body and scream for attention. I am a woman who secretly craves after lust and desire and arousing pleasure.
My Daddy will understand what he wants from a woman. The words “I’m a dominant man. I want you to want to please me. I have rules, and I want you to follow and comply with them. They are for your benefit and for my pleasure. If you follow these rules to my satisfaction, I shall reward you. If you don’t, I shall punish you and you will learn.” resonate to the very core of my soul.
Much of a submissive’s emotions are affected by cause. Who or what has caused the particular emotion to surface has a great effect on what we feel.
I have found that as I grow in this lifestyle, as I gain experience, and as I venture deeper into my submission, my emotions change constantly. They are growing with me. What upsets or offends today, may thrill or excite tomorrow!
I now recognize just how much a Dominant's words of approval can cause a submissive to beam brightly for weeks!! But also, how the fear of disappointing our Daddy / Master, can cause a submissive to feel completely crushed.
Sometimes I wonder if a Daddy/Master really understands how much of an impact and effect their words or actions have on a submissive, even to those of us they do not know? How sometimes, I can read or hear of a Dominant correcting or teaching their own submissive and have found myself affected.
Domination and submission, power and surrender, mean different things for different people. For some it’s about having a chance to trust someone else to take control. For others it’s the pure physical sensation - spanking, flogging, licking, restraints - that bend the mind.
It is my nature to crave my Daddy to take control. I know it is my path at its core. However, I have yet to discover which physical sensations will join me on that path. But I look forward to exploring and discovering all my desires.
Being held in just the way I need to be, by someone stronger than I, in that moment, being told what to do in the safe context of a mutually agreed exchange of power is extremely intoxicating. For me, it is nothing less than perfection.
The one thing I have really learned through the night … is my little and I need to learn to have patience ... because right at this moment, I want to run towards my future! I don’t want to waste another minute! But at least I can laugh at myself for it too!
❤❤❤ ... and goodnight .. good morning?? Yes the sun is up ... a new day 😏
