Understanding me.

Do you like who you are?

i do like who I am.  No one has to tell me that.  It comes from myself.  I like what I am.  I like my style sense. I like my sense of humor; which can be rather dark, as in working a unattended death, chit chatting with another LEO standing over the body as I take pictures of a body and discuss lunch options, phased  in the slightest, and how I wish I could find a body in the wild, not a fresh one but one that was reported missing many many years. As a podcaster once said “who’s dick do I have to suck to find a body?”

I like my love of movies and TV.  Music is also part of who I am.  I can string artists songs to tell a story, I can find a song of Meat Loaf to tell what I am feeling, and when I need a pick me up P!NK is to the rescue. . I have always loved British programs.  Grew up with an affection of Broadway music, but has yet to attend one.   I like my love of Disney World and Disney movies. I can’t wait to go back to WDW sans kids.  

I like being kind hearted and giving, I like that I am a nurturing person. I like that I love and care for those close to me.  I like myself for becoming a stronger person, yet maintain my tenderness and warmth.  I myself for setting boundaries for myself so I do not be used.

I like being home alone and dancing around, I do not need to be the center of attention at a party, ugg that would truly be draining.  I do not need to go to a bar in our one horse town and see the people I grew up with or those that drink nightly sitting at the same bar stool day in and day out. 

I like that I am an amazing cook, very rarely does something comes out poorly.  I can make warm comfort foods. I cook from my heart.  Cinnamon rolls by the plenty. 

I like me, I like that I am not perfect. I love unconditionally.  There is no perfection in any person. I accept ones for who they are.  I like that about me.  

I like that I do need help from others from time to time, yet as of late, I seem to need help more. I will not be a stoic, cold heart, feeling they must be perfect to live. I like me and all my flaws. 

I like the me that wants to fight for what she feels. I like the me that likes to weight lift when other women wants to tone. To drop weights to the floor, and feel the power wash over me.  I like that I try different types of fitness, except running. Nope nope nope not gonna happen.  Let me lift weight, try yoga by way of pro wrestler Diamond Dallas Page. 

I like me for learning to speak German from an online teacher.  I like me for my love of stories and the ability to weave a fairy tale. I like my passion to write and take a chance to reach out to a ”famous” persons and to get their input. 

I like me, who loves to cuddle and touch and hold hands, and I love my smile. 

So I do like me and shall I say, I love me!  

So do you like you? 

Ahhh, silence.  Out of quarantine!   My youngest was finally able to go back to school on Monday, and my second eldest daughter could return to work.  

For 14 days, there were zoom classes for the boy, he took up the office/spare bedroom and would spend his free time gaming, only coming out for food and beverages.   daughter was given equipment for distant work from her office.  So her days from 8am to 5-6pm my living room was over taken as a medical clinic.  I can run the script in my head “hello, so and so clinic, how may I help you?...ok one moment... do you exhibit any of the symptoms of Covid-19 (list each off)...ok, do you have a mask with you?...ok, where are you parked and what are you driving?...ok, a nurse will come and get you shortly, goodbye”.   

I had to go about my day as quietly as possible, so no tv, no music, don’t chew too loud, no laughing (except between calls). 

so yay for freedom of dancing through my house to loud music, freedom to have the tv volume up and able to read aloud my writings as I make scenes.  

love them to the moon and back but mama needs space.  Oh and these 2 are my messiest of all 5.  So back to a clean house.

It’s been a rough several weeks.  Doors closing, others opening.   I’m staying true to who I am.  I may no longer be his, but a different door opened and that was real friendship.  I will not go into what it entails as it’s not for all.  But he is my friend and I do say my dearest friend.  

I am growing and learning.  I’m  am writing more and wanting to get a dog ( but I must watch many videos and understand what I’m getting into) .  I do not need many in my life. Just the chosen few I hold close.  

im looking at not returning to my career as a patrol Deputy, maybe work court or part time to keep my certification up with the state.  I do love wearing the badge and gun and being the first female patrol deputy for the county.  I took great pride in that.  But for now I can still be part of my family in blue and be on the dispatch side of the radio. I will try and do fill in work and then hopefully made full time.  I’m stable financially and not being pressured to find work immediately.  For I am being cared for until I can.  He understands the trails I have gone through and will not force me to find full time, knowing my PTSD is tough.  I need to heal those struggles. Then become the best dispatcher here.  

He is my dearest friend and cares for me.  Well, we care for each other.  God did give us to each other but it was to teach us each what true love was and what friendship is and be there for one another.    

The smoke from the fires in Colorado and Wyoming have drifted into Kansas.  It's a brownish haze and smells strong, one would think it's a local fire, but its not.  I can't imagine what it's like where it is happening.  

Its been a rather lengthy time since Ive shared some of my writings here.  I hadn't felt up to it as of late.  But I want to start writing again. 

this is a small part of a story I am writing.  Characters are Kincaid and Sloan.  Kincaid is a Captain in a previous war, he is also a lycan and he has found his mate Sloan after the lengthy battle. Sloan is a healer and lives in the mountains.  This is where Kincaid and Sloan find each other after a long search.   

NIGHT RUN

   Kincaid's strong grip squeezed around Sloan's delicate throat, feeling her pulse quicken. His blue eyes flashed to silver to see into the darkness around him, nothing but an empty forest. He looked down at his prey. He held his grip as he looked her over, soft and smooth skin. He leaned in and inhaled her scent, and growled softly. He had searched for that scent for such a long time.  

Sloans body was tense and she shivered even as her body warmed. She felt the hand tighten and hold a steady squeeze on her throat.  She touched the arm that held her in her place, feeling hot skin and thick coarse hair. She brought her sight to his level. There she saw the flash from blue to silver. Closing her eyes she took his scent in, it was him.  

Kincaid with his free hand ripped the bodice of her dress away, exposing her full breasts into the coolness of the night. Sloans nipples hardened, goosebumps ran across her flesh. She inhaled sharply as he took a nipple in between his teeth, holding it there with slight pressure looking up towards her face.  He watched as she tensed, felt her hands on his arm.

Kincaid explored her body with his free hand, keeping pressure on her throat, controlling her. Fingers dragging along the outer side of her leg to her hip, continuing back down to return up the inside of her leg, digging in. A whimper escaped from her lips. A grin rose from the corners of his mouth. She was his prey.

Sloan looked into his eyes, she saw flashes of light, he was the hunter. She pushed away from him with all might she had and ran.  She heard him growl from behind. She ran through the forest, She looked over her shoulder and saw him closing the gap.  

Kincaid let her push him away, he even gave her a head start. He watched as she looked over her shoulder and watched her eyes flash to silver.  She was like him. He ran faster and closed the gap.

The pair ran wildly through the forest, avoiding contact with low hanging branches and fallen trees. Sloan untied the waist and let her dress fall, Kincaid ripped away his shirt, letting it fall. The gap was closed quickly. Kincaid reached out and grabbed her shoulder, spinning her towards him. He pressed her back against a fallen tree, the bark scratching into her. 

Kincaid pinned her down, pressing into her, watching her eyes, knowing the bark was cutting into her. Sloan would wince and then moan with each scrape. He felt her hips push towards him and he let his hand find her heat. So warm and wet, a low growl came from his throat as he let a finger explore. Sloans mouth opened but no sound came.

Kincaid turned her over and ran his hand around her throat and squeezed, tighter and tighter, He felt her tremble and twitch, feeling her body warm.  Just as her eyes were about to close he relaxed the grip. He ran his fingers over the superficial cuts, kissing them down her back. He with a flat hand smacked her ass hard. Sloal cried out as the sting spread.  Kincaid felt his cock harden more with each swat to her ass. He rubbed gently, while shh-ing her, he felt the welts form. 

Sloan felt the searing pain with each swat, it hurt yet made her grow more aroused, she felt herself dripping and wanting to be filled.  She wanted his hand around her throat, holding her life close, feeling the warmth as her eyes grew heavy.  

Sloan heard him growl as he touched her, wanting her.  She looked over her shoulder just in time to see him lean down and bite her shoulder, digging his teeth in.  clamping down, Sloan pushed her ass back towards Kincaid, wanting.  She felt his hard cock pressing against her.  She felt herself let go and started moaning and panting, 

Kincaid Pressed into her, slowly at first, feeling the warmth surround him. He pushed harder.   With both hands encircled her throat and squeezed pulling back, arching her back. He needed her. He wanted to devour her,  use her, play with her. Breed her.  Hard heavy thrusts he pushed into her.  

Sloan was his pet, his toy, his prey. She was a rag doll in his hands.  There was no fighting back or escape from this.  Not that escape was needed, she begged for this, yearned for this.  His hands were strong, his whole body was flesh, muscle and ravenous desire.  

With little effort he forced her to his knees and rammed his throbbing cock into her mouth, fucking her hard.  She gagged  but took him with each thrust. Spit ran from the corners of her mouth, she sucked and looked up at him, his eyes were fire looking upon her.  He held her head in a vice grip, ramming and watching her. Her eyes wide and locked onto his.  She was giving all.  There was no hesitation.

Again he spun her around, face brown over the fallen tree, and took her again. He was going mad and needed to fill her.  He clamped onto her shoulders and held her in place,she was not going anywhere.  

Sloan met each thrust with sheer pleasure and desire, she wanted to feel him cum deep inside her, filling her.  His grunting and groaning filled the silence.  He bent down and a bit her again, and Sloan cried out, the pleasure of pain was sending her to new heights.  

Kincaid pulled her back to his chest and pinched each nipple, causing arousal and pain, Sloan was shaking in need.  Kincaid was going to have her.  He in a mighty thrust, rammed into her as far as possible, his fingers dug into her breasts, digging and pulling. He knew she was feeling the pain and his cock began to throb and jerk. “Fuck!” he cried before spilling into her.  He pushed her over and fucked her harder and harder until he was spent. Collapsing on top of her, covered in sweat, sticky, he bit her ear, and whispered.  

Sometimes a little older music is helpful 

Feeling the 80’s and 90’s 

How do I for the love of Pete add more than one video to a blog?  I swear on all things holy.  I can do photos, but not songs.  I know it can be done.  Please help a gal out!