If You Care To Find Me, Look To The Western Sky...

 

that would be me!  

 

 

A view of 101 years. This window with is curtains drifting in the strong breeze, has looked out upon this same view for 101 years. 

for 101 years my little house has sat here, the view has o r changes. The crops have rotated through the seasons wheat, corn, Milo, sunflowers. 

I’ve stood at this window as the previous owners have through the years. Watching the wind blow, watching the crops grow.

The window with a 101 year view 

it’s my weekend, I’m gonna chill and dance naked. 

This is how I enter work- not sure what chaos will greet me at the door! How many files do I have to check?! Oh only 50. Sure why not.  

Put in the effort!

 

I so believe this to be true. I at many times feel that I am still in my teenage years, yet living in a 50 yr old body. I was at 15 thinking I was having the best teenage years when in fact I was seeking attention- and seeking it in all the wrong places. I was hanging out with friends and going off with older men, who were in their 30's and 40's giving blow jobs and hand jobs.  I thought I was so mature and that's why thy liked me. Looking back I saw that I was people pleasing and was in fact not mature for any of that crap I went through. 

Now here I am healing that little girl in me, healing that teenager in me and now I can live freely and wildly. I cannot go back to that time and change the course of directory of my life. I do look back and think about what I would have done if I had found my voice to end the abuse. I would have spoke up until someone heard me, I would have been loud and said no. I would have been able to focus on my education and I would have gone into the Navy. I know now that I would have succeeded. 

I now live my life showing the teenage me what love and happiness is 

^{who wants to hold  a small cup? I need it big to help my hands warm.} 

so glad it’s my days off, as I was questioning myself if waterboarding is still frowned upon? 

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