this is a longer blog, I didn’t want to condense it It needed its substance. I wasn’t going to post it yet but another sub previewed it and when I asked if I should she said it should be So here it is, in its entirety. Thank you , you know who you are
A Letter to all Doms, from a submissive
(Not for Insta-Doms who only want to play for their satisfaction)
Dear Dom,
If your sub is quiet;, listen to the silence there is something being said.
If your sub is having a hard time speaking her mind; slow down and reassure her it’s ok to speak, gently pry information from her. That’s what she needs and wants for you to pry it from her.
If your sub is not fulfilling all tasks;, sit with her and ask her. Let her expose the reason.
If your sub is struggling in areas of her life that are consuming her; Encourage her and help her.
If your sub cries out loudly or silently that she is slipping, falling and needs help; stop and listen to what she is saying, do what you can do to help her.
If your sub is a loving sub who tries so hard yet keeps messing up;, find out why.
If your sub has monsters and demons; help her know how to understand them.
If your sub is crying out and trying to explain her feelings and words are failing her; stop and look at her heart.
If your sub is trying to succeed; help her
If your sub feels so deeply for you and wants to give you her submission; work on that with her.
If your sub has seen your darkness and stood with you; do the same with her, it’s worth it in the end.
If your sub has been working hard and learning and trying; watch her grow it’s worth it in the end.
If your sub is walking in her own personal hell; , stand at the other end and wait for her, it’s worth it in the end.
If your sub is nearing the opening and is about to fly;, stay there and watch that happen, it’s worth it in the end .
If your sub has told you secrets, that she’s told no others; she trusts you and you alone
If your sub listens to you and tries to do as told but stumbles; know it wasn’t done to hurt you or not honor you.
If your sub is rather forgetful; know she’s not doing it to disrespect you, her mind feels lost.
If you know your subs' past; refer to that when an issue arises. She may not see the correlation as fast as you can.
If your sub is making strides in personal growth; keep encouraging, it’s worth it in the end.
If your sub has been reading books ask how they are, but don’t be discouraged if she doesn’t give an in-depth detail, she’s absorbing the info.
If your sub journals; ask if she’s journaling today, and she says yes, then she did. She will share in time.
If your sub bottles things up until the cork pops and it all floods out in one giant wave; it’s not that she doesn’t trust you because she didn’t tell you before, it’s because that’s how she learned to communicate, and when it all comes flooding out her mind finally said “it’s ok, your safe and you can trust” and in a short time the cork will be gone, and no more floods.
If your sub hints at things as to how she feels; you know she wants to talk, but she is afraid, and you must remember she's not holding back because of you, it’s because of her fear of the past.
If your sub has fought against herself for so long; grab her and pull her close, you see the fight she holds, you see that submissive power.
If your sub apologizes and wants to do better: accept that and work on that issue. There will be times when she will apologize a lot, she’s accepting it and acknowledging it and needs the work.
If your sub has wanted to be your sub; she wants to be your sub. She’s not playing a game. It’s very important to her also.
If your sub says teach me; you teach her, she’s giving to you to mold and protect her, she is being vulnerable with you, even when she pulls.
If your sub says give me structure; you sit down with her and go over every aspect of what type of structure is needed. Let her help direct the list
If your sub is distant; she’s most likely thinking and needs a moment, she’s not keeping from you she holding and thinking.
If your sub says punish me, or hold me accountable; she’s begging to be controlled, she wants that step further.
If your sub seems off; it’s her thinking deeply and is worried, ask her, but remember if she says fine or it’s ok. I could mean just that or she’s figuring out her words.
If you ask her how her day is going; and she says “good” then it’s a good day, she might be thinking on things but it’s a good day.
If your sub asks how your day is; she wants to know, not asking to fill the air.
If your sub asks did you eat?; she wants to know
If your sub asks how your drive or work is; she wants to know. She’s not asking to fill the air.
If your sub doesn’t ask if you ate daily or other daily life question; it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to know. Maybe that question didn’t need to be asked this day, maybe she was feeding on clues to ask that.
If your sub is crying; know what those tears mean.
If your sub is growing personally, if she is diving into self growth devouring information; cultivate and tend to her. She is needing to be fed and watered and nurtured. It’s worth it in the end.
If your sub wants to try different sexual kinks,look at it together,
If your sub wants to sexually fulfil your sexual desires but hesitates, let her explain the hesitation. Maybe she’s done them before and had an unpleasant experience, but still enjoys it once it starts to happen. Offer suggestions and ideas. Reassuring is key and then she’s ready to take the initiative to prepare for certain activities. If she says I’m ready to try it. That means she’s ready.
If your sub asks to feel the fire, you burn her, schorch her flesh, clamp down and show her the fire that burns deep inside you. Hold control over every fiber and every breath, show her . She wants that beyond question. You know she’s strong enough to take it.
She is YOUR SUB, she has given herself to YOU and you have taken her as your sub. She is far from perfect but then again neither is her dom. You have taken a huge responsibility when you became her dom.
Dom, this doesn’t mean your needs and wants and desires are any less, this is from a submissive heart and soul, this was written from the pain,abuse and doubt from pasts. She knows his importance and wouldn’t give if she didn’t know. She knows that being a true Dom Is a daunting task and yet has high rewards. She knows the weight is on him, she knows how much he puts into it.
Dom, your sub loves you deeply and at times she’s so afraid of failing, she knows you will do all in your power to move mountains. She wants you to see the power and passion she has for you, and that she would move mountains too. She will stumble and fall. Take her hand and walk with her. Just as she needs you, you need her. Dom, it’s ok to be afraid, she’s afraid also. Being afraid shows us we have a strong emotion. She does not think less of you if you say that you're afraid. To her that shows a strength. Oh how she loves you.
Remember you are each your own person, neither of you are exactly the same. You are not a half of a relationship to complete a whole, but instead you are each a whole person, who adds individual characteristics, values, rules, boundaries, thoughts, desires and love to the dynamic. Do not rely on the other to make you happy, let them add to your happiness. You have to be your own person to truly give and love. You don’t have to see exactly eye to eye. Differences add to a healthy relationship,
Sincerely,
A Submissive
