Name' sake

Made ya look 😏

But seriously,  apart from "unsolicited", 

Do women really get anything out of dick pics?

Diary entry # 137

Dear diary,

Its Thursday. 

Im not sure what Wednesday was all about, and tomorrow should be Friday.

I have been exposing and expressing a great deal of sadness and lament lately, but I have also been feeling unexplainable happiness as well. A profundity of simply being alive.

As you know, it wasnt all that long ago I was homeless - and experiencing a tremendous amount of struggling. It seemed the entire world was against me. Its a hard road back from utter devistation.

Well, remember that day at the doctors? As I left I was feeling completely defeated - I pulled up to the main intersection in the hard  pouring rain . . . . And my wipers quit working. . . 

With the light green and the car behind me blowing the horn - something snapped in me in that moment . . . . I burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Letting go . . . 

The world feels different,  it looks different, sounds different.  I think the now struggle is the sameness that remains. The realizations of the tangible - the manifestations from the never before seen. Of course I still make mistakes, and sometimes feel like a bumbling fool - regret for causing pain - regret for unchanging.

. . . . 

Despite countless obstacles,  seemingly endless - I fucking did it! After 5 years living on the road,  being kicked around by a cold, unforgiving, uncaring world - I made it! - I bought my own home! 

Here I am 👍

Yes . . . . 

Here I am

. . . . 

Ya know what?

Theres a part of me that wants to be back on the road.

The stark realization that life is transient.

I dont "own" anything - merely holding it for the person or persons I pass it on to.

All of my misconceptions about life - all of my "doing it wrong"s - all of the things I was so sure would grant me happiness.

You know, the things that come to mind that put a smile on my heart? Seeing all the butterflies last year in my yard . . .Hearing "I love you". . . Kind words from people who care.

The roof still leaks, but thats ok.

This is getting long winded.

I got my new camera - pretty pumped about that 👍

*my blogs are almost always spur of the moment and off the cuff (like this one) -  emotions just flowing out of me - they are not intended towards, or about anyone in particular  - just emotions pouring out.

As it is, and never could be  🌹

"Its cold" she said, under the tight wrapped shawl.

"I truly did you know, give it my all. 

Lately ive been coming undone - not 'us', no longer one".

. . . . . 

"I'll try harder - be a first starter

Dont go baby, dont"

He said with a stall

Feeling the final curtain call.

"I'll be, I swear . . . 

"You cant do this! - its so unfair!"

. . . . . . 

Now the gate hangs broken on its hinge -

the casual has become a binge.

"I would have been, I swear"

He vows

"If only she'd care"

But now its . . . 

. . . . . . 

Too late . . . 

Too much to bear

(Dammit Ed, its a serious song! Stop smiling! 🙄)

Apologetically human.

I, myself, and notice in others, sometimes feel a little shy about sharing personal details. Details non BDSM anyway. But why should that be? I mean, we share openly what we do in the bedroom, right?

(I understand,  and wholeheartedly agree - no politics , no religion).

This is a kink site, yes - but I am not kink - I am a human being that finds community in like mind people who are into kink. Its more encompassing for me than say, a philosophy site, or a cooking site, etc. (I got banned from that one for saying "I'd put that on my dick" 😏)

Anyway, just my blatherings for today.

*Just like to add, no one has reprimanded me for any of my blogs. 👍

Heres a video I thought I'd share . . . 

The ripped raw,

Un-edited version of me ~

Bleeds

For the unplanted seeds.

Beloved

Dear beloved

Im sorry I couldn't be,

All that you ever need 

I tried so hard to be.

I cry still,

A lonely chill.

The empty swing,

Still sings ~

The song

Of broken dreams.

But you know of me,

Dont you?

You feel me

In you.

fe·male
/ˈfēˌmāl/
Learn to pronounce
 
See definitions in:
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adjective;

of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) which can be fertilized by male gametes.
"a herd of female deer"

The elixer of life

So soft

So alluring at night 

al·lur·ing
/əˈlo͝oriNG/
Learn to pronounce
 
adjective
powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating; seductive.

Boones bane

Abel's cain

The victim

The pain

The reason

Only hope remains.

If I planted seeds, would you let them sew?

If I gave you a garden,  would you make it grow?

White on white

But thats alright

I'll love you anyway.

I promise

When the white doves fly,

A bit of me will die ~

But I need you,

Dont you see?

Its never too late, to hesitate.

I'll drown without you,

And the canvas will bleed

So many shades of blue.

I guess,

I guess,

I need you.

Im not sure what would be considered "over-sharing" on this site, but hey - I talk about what makes my dick hard 😏

So um . . . Yeah - he wasnt my dad 

*edit

Which brings me to the subject of honesty.

Imagine a world where everyone was completely honest and everyone owned up to their transgressions.

I guess this post is a wake up call, idk. More and more people are finding out they've been lied to.

My parents are both flower food now, leaving me going "what the actual fuck!?"

But so many pieces are falling together - I could have never gotten his approval. 

And fuck you mom!

This isnt just about the "guess the daddy" game - its about mis-informed and misplaced trust. Its about "question everything" - see the world around you with your eyes open!