I love everything about being a Domme. I love that I can live a life as my true self and all those socially unacceptable little things like being pushy, bossy or bitchy now all have a safe place to thrive. I'll admit, sometimes I get feeling a little too safe. I can throw my big personality around all over the place and not only is it accepted; it may even end up being someone's kink. I am spoiled rotten by the disproportionate amount of willing partners interested in female D-types, and I embrace it all (if it was to a fault, I'd never admit it). While I'll stop short of using the word "glutinous" I can admit that I frequently endulge. And who wouldn't, right? If I find the right person for what I want and it's a mutually beneficial relationship, why not? I have had s-types, D-types, switches, pets, and of course, my family which is a category in itself.
Sounds like a dream come true but there is one tiny problem. As a general rule, I surround myself with s-types or at least people that tend to be more agreeable. It isn't ego or power. It's just easier to put life on cruise control and know that the people around me will be content as long as I am. Life is so much easier and non contentious. No one resists my approach to things in any significant way. No one cuts me off from alcohol or when I'm talking to loudly, no one calls me out for being selfish or unfair, and no one tells me "no" or that I'm wrong. At least most people don't...
This approach to life is not an example of poor social skills and a classically conditioned superiority complex. There is a very good reason that I prefer personalities that compliment my own dominant personality. I live and love with passion and my personality is a reflection. On the worst of days, I can rage and roil with a furiosity that can only be (and has been) compared to a force of nature; one not even truly appreciated by me because most people would never weather the storm. However, there is one rare soul of late that seems to revel in my depths. Someone who doesn't seek shelter from my storms, but steps outside to marvel at them. It is a rare soul indeed that stand sound and strong with all the resiliency and longevity of the world's oldest mountain as my storm crashes violently against it. With an intensity that caused most others in my circle to flee for shelter and wait out better days, one person leans into the wind. After what seems like weeks of howling winds, buckets and buckets, and energy expelled that could have shaken the very earth, the storm finally subsides. The clouds lift, there we are, windblown and wet, the air around us still crackling and electrified. With windblown hair and eyes sparkling in awe at what was just witnessed, a small smile and head tilt, "Feel better?"
A hundred voices inside of me cry out all the insults I can manage "Just who do you think you are!? You must succumb to my might and bow before me! How dare you not fear me!" As I figuratively raise a clenched fist dramatically and defiantly into the air ...
But there is no fear, no anger, no contention, just a mountain's honest understanding that storms will behave as they do when the conditions are right. And for me, I come away with a respect and an understanding that mountains will be what they are. It has taken me some time to come to terms with such a strong and unwaivering force in my life. Perhaps it is good for me; good that I have a mountain to crash into, one that can weather the worst of my storms. Touche mountain, touche. Perhaps we shall meet again...
