Yeah, that seems to be my number one trait. At least that's the first thing I think about when I describe myself. I'm quirky. Not intended, it's just me. I have no intentions of pretending otherwise. I probably won't overanalyze myself to come up with an excuse. Instead, I keep trying to improve my social skills. I've made many acquaintances here, and a couple friends. Some lucky enough to get my silly Snapchats. 😉 *Head still hurts from yesterday's snap* 🤦
My biggest obstacle is the chatroom. Just little things. When I first joined I wouldn't enter without my mentor there. She was my protector. When things got to be too much for me, she created the balloon room for me. It was my escape. She could tell through just the way I was interacting if I needed that room. I no longer have her as a shielding wing that I can hide beneath until things are safe and stable again. It's rough. But I'm managing. I think I'm doing alright. There's still a little anxiety even though I can pretty much guess who will be in there. I struggle with do I say hello when I enter? What if I interrupt someone's conversation? Do I wait until someone greets me? That seems a bit...🤔 Attention getting. Do I 'wave' to the ones I know? That doesn't feel inclusive. So I toggle between whatever I'm in the mood to do. And, I admit, it depends on who's in the room. I'm very thankful for the acquaintances who greet me first. You have no idea the sense of relief that gives me! Thank you so much for being the designated lobby greeter. It makes everyone feel welcomed.
I'm also getting better at commenting on blogs. Sprinkling a little sunshine here and there, offering encouragement when I can. Sometimes a blog is so good that I want to comment! But I can't take the words I'm thinking and form sentences. So I simply 'like' it and move on. Words escape me often. I think it's also a part of the social anxiety. Worried I'll say the wrong thing, or having it misconstrued into some evil intent that I could never even fathom. So I sit quietly. Or I become boisterous. There's really no middle ground unless I am in deep concentration on playing it cool.
Sometimes in chat I'm a silent observer, only carrying on conversations in pm. Other times, I'm participating in an online scene that I was excited to be asked to partake in. I see growth within myself. More self-confidence with each interaction. I'm happy with the outcome thus far. So, this is me. A jumbled, sparkly, woven mess.
Thank you to everyone I encounter. For having the understanding and patience as I learn to interact with you all. ❤️
