My Very Own Jeremiad

I’m still not ready to come out of my self induced exile, but maybe its groundhog day and I just need to feel the sun on my face for a moment, but regardless I will run back in where its safe.  There has been a ton on my mind, but I just haven’t felt like putting it out here into the ether.  I am still exploring, trying to find my place, hopefully figuring out who I am, if only a little bit along the way.
 
Still surprised by those who seem to have figured it out, have found their way, and especially awed by those who have found their person and/or people.  I thought by now I’d have a path, definitely not a clear one, but at least some dots scattered about on trees or rocks, so I have some guidance when feeling lost.  No, I’m not lost.  I always know where I am.  I may not know where I’m headed, I’m headed somewhere (destination unknown), but I hate feeling lost. 
 
That overwhelming feeling that tends to feel like an ice ray, freezing me in place. Unsure of what to do next, where to start, and just wanting it to begin and end at the same time, to do something.  It’s so tempting to make a decision, any decision just to have some movement. There is a fine line of not making a decision (which is a decision in itself) and weighing everything out prolonging the process.  Then there is always the option to simply make a decision without thought, trust one’s gut and go forth and conquer. 
 
At the current moment in time, I’m doing all of the above at the same time, so I’m starting to spiral a bit. Therefore I retreat to the safety of my burrow.  Succumbing to the rabbit hole is not an option.  As usual Alice can have the damn place, I want no part of that!  So here I am, fortified, and backing up, back into my world.