My Very Own Jeremiad

As the vaults of my mind close in on me, it’s getting harder and harder to feel connected to anything beyond.  If only it was one or two things for me to focus on, to mitigate change.  The constant barrage of failures that keep pummeling me is breaking down whatever armor I have left.  Yes, I am coming off a crap summer, and yes, its been a crazy few weeks at work, and yes, I’m injured…I am aware of the excuses and/or reasons but I’m tired I’ve had enough. 
 
The urge to cry is non-stop today, which is stupid, because 1. I don’t cry and 2. Nothing has occurred that is big enough to cry over.   Sure, I’m disappointed; disappointed in myself, disappointed in others.  The frustration of talking to brick walls, that appear as humans, makes me even angrier, primarily at myself for the continued effort.  The insanity cycle needs to end, of me putting myself in the situations that I either can’t handle (during and/or after) and allowing my voice to be lost to the wind. 
 
For now, I’m going to take the advice I give to others.  I will attempt to be kind to myself. Snuggle into my cozy place, read a book, watch crap tv (no news, nothing heavy, just light and fluffy) and just try to exist in a safe warm space and just be…be me.  Whomever that is today.