Evening Primrose

"Right? / Okay then / I'm ready! / I'm ready now!" -company

Needing advice

5 years ago. July 28, 2019 at 5:52 AM

Or: missing the scene, where I've been, and how I feel.

*This is copied from my profile on a different site, though I tend to get the best advice from those who read blogs here so I thought I would repost it*

It's been some time since I have been active on here.

Long story (not sooo) short: I was in a relationship, there did happen to have a kink side to it, and it was wonderful. It changed my life, heart, and also showed me some beautiful things about how BDSM dynamics can so strengthen a relationship.

Now I am home in the US. I graduated. I have a career in social work.

I miss kink, especially rope, so badly.

But I'm also nervous to explore this side of me at home. I know I have options, in the bigger city or another munch outside of my immediate community.

But I feel tender.

Not in a good way.

I've come to realize how deeply rooted, spiritual, even, BDSM is for me. Putting myself out there again feels terrifying. Nearly as terrifying as dating after a failed relationship.

But I need rope as much as I need to have coffee every morning (a non-negotiable necessity!)

I tried self-tying... But the sub-high and drop is so intense for me that I worry about my mental health. That is to say: I have attempted to, but the couple of times I have the aftermath has either been A) so emotional it almost negated the positive B) possibly dangerous.... Once I tied too tightly though I thought I wasn't (I prefer to feel like a cozy lil baby bird in a very constrictive nest lol) and had some pain after, for instance.

Anyway.

A long-winded cry for advice and opinion.

Xx Ivy

MrSpankAngel(dom male){hbk} - I think you will have to put yourself out there. Not necessarily at a munch but at a play party of some sort.

5 years ago

ivyandtwine(sub female) - Thanks for your response :) can I ask for your reasoning? Just out of curiosity.

5 years ago

MrSpankAngel(dom male){hbk} - Everyone else answered beautifully! My task is done by others. :)
It's definitely a great group of people reading the blogs.

5 years ago

ivyandtwine(sub female) - I agree, it really is something special :) and I understand better now. Thanks!

5 years ago

Litlegrl(sub female){Dragon11} - I agree. You should put yourself out there for 2 major reasons. 1: as you said, it is necessary and not fulfilling by yourself. If you can't fulfill a need, you need to look elsewhere. 2: so that you realize that, while terrifying, it is attainable. You mention it is "just as terrifying as dating again after a failed relationship". But how do you get over a failed relationship? By jumping back on the horse. That's what you need to do here, especially since it's a necessity

5 years ago

ivyandtwine(sub female) - You make a very good point!! I've been chewing on all of this advice and I think it is best. When the right opportunity comes I will definitely go for it :)

5 years ago

Starlight82(other female) - Maybe you could try reaching out to some local female submissives and see if you can make a friend who might be willing to accompany you to an event or munch. Its obvious that you desire to be involved and i am concerned for your emotional well being and safety if your self rope sessions have ended in massive drops or physical pain. I feel you need to meet someone experienced and patient even to just be a rope bunny for, with no relationship if that is where you want to start. Having a friend to attend local events with will feel less daunting. Also i find meeting people in RL very different to online. You get a better assesment of them. Make friends with community leaders who can help guide you and possible refer you to some good knowledgeable people. Put yourself back out there but slowly at a rate that feels good for you. Its not a race. I wish you luck in your search

5 years ago

ivyandtwine(sub female) - This was such SUCH good advice. I'm going to start here, as I'm able to, and hopefully through meeting other subs/leaders I will find a place/person that will be right for me to practice more actively xx seriously, thank you!

5 years ago

Bunnie - I agree with Star. My first Rigger was a Dom/Gorean Master who I negotiated with to solely do rope sessions together... no romantic relationship. My second Rigger was a submissive who was a bunny, who wanted to learn rope, so I became her bunny. My current Rigger is in a monogamous relationship, with his partner very much aware and happy for us to do rope sessions together.

My point is that it’s definitely an option to do rope with someone outside of having a romantic relationship with them... and when it’s just for ropey goodness, the avenues can be a lot more flexible (imo).

Having said all of this... in my opinion and from my own experiences, when you’re spending time with someone, connecting as deeply as we do in the bdsm lifestyle... a connection will be formed. Be prepared for it to be deep. It may not be romantic love, but I have a love that has formed for each person I’ve shared this journey with (but forming connection is a big part of who I am). I think this is perfectly ok and doesn’t need to be scary or more than what it is. Simply keep communication very open with everyone involved, and enjoy :)

5 years ago

Bunnie - P.s hi 👋 nice to see you :)

5 years ago

ivyandtwine(sub female) - Bunnie! I've missed you! Thank you so much for your advice, and talkinh about the connection. That has definitely been up there in my concerns about getting back into things. However, your advice, as always, makes a lot of sense to me and I will internalize it xx

5 years ago

HGB(sub female){Scottish M} - Agree with above. I LOVE my rope, I have no rigger when I can I self tie. If I'm quick and methodical I get no high, no drop. Not my preference but I get to try stuff. When I get in my space I really REALLY get high. My drop hits next day and not much beyond a cup of coffee, breakfast and snacking through the day happen, oh and lots of tv and crying. Ive been looking for a rigger its not easy and with rope being so dangerous i dont just trust someone. I go to my local peer rope whenever I can, they know me. A few weeks back I posted some pictures of self ties. I need to do something again when I get a couple days off. Ropie hugs. And welcome

5 years ago

ivyandtwine(sub female) - Thanks for the ropey hugs xx best of luck

5 years ago

Gwendomere domme FF(dom female){I am here } - I miss you, Ivy.

4 years ago

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ivyandtwine​(sub female)

Evening Primrose

Needing advice

ivyandtwine(sub female)