Thoughts

Max Sterne​(dom male){Morley} - My 2 cents. I am going to answer your questions in reverse order.

#3 Does it make you a "fraidy cat"? NO!!! It makes you sane. Only a very gullible person walks into anything without asking serious questions.

#2 Does the intensity require a time commitment to grow? I say yes. I have been with my wife/sub for 17 years. There is no relationship I could step into that could equal the gravity of what her and I have developed through 17 years of hard work and commitment.

#1 Does intensity of this type carry an inherently short shelf life? Depends on who you get involved with. This is where it gets tough. My first rule as a dom is "know your sub". I wish that the first rule of every sub was "know your dom" not simply to just obey. Anyone can spill out words to make your heart flutter. Thats easy! I hate to say it, but for a moment turn off your heart and turn on your thinking.

Do they seem to be after only 1 thing? They probably are and will leave when they get it.

Do they seem to be a player? Very likely they will leave after the play.

Do they seem to collect trophies? Then they probably do; dont be their next one.

Before you ever follow your heart take a minute to switch it off and see what you head says. If they are true then they will stay until your mind is satisfied. If they do not then you are better off without them.

Again, just my opinion.

NorthernKitten​(sub female) - Thank you so much. Your experience is such a resource when you share it, and your profile is so encouraging to me.

Max Sterne​(dom male){Morley} - Thank you, and it is good to meet you. 😊

CrimsonPaw - There's not much more I can add to Max's answer. He's said it very well. I just want to stress the importance of going slow and spending time getting to know others on a friendship level first before diving into kinks and D/s. It builds a stronger foundation that will last longer and can withstand more. If they aren't willing to spend time getting to know your vanilla side, that's usually a sign that they aren't taking this lifestyle seriously. Hope this helps. :)

NorthernKitten​(sub female) - It helps very much thank you.

Max Sterne​(dom male){Morley} - Great point Amber! I believe you are absolutely correct!

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} - MS and Amber touched perfectly on all points. Great post... Wish more would ask these questions before jumping in! 🤗❤️❤️

NorthernKitten​(sub female) - Thanks everyone. I am really trying to face it and be brave but I am nervous of letting someone down by not being able to commit enough time with work, life, time zones etc. Some of those may be eleviated in real life together in a relationship — but while trying to learn at a healthy and safe pace gradually I am struggling with commitment despite my desires.