The Muse

I have no idea why my psyche spawns such emotional reactions to color ... but it does.  I have stated in my profile that I am not fond of the color pink, and yellow is not far behind.... unless coupled with reds and orange with perhaps a drop of blue at the center... like fire....without the blue... like Autumn.

Anyway... after a long conversation with someone last night, I went to sleep.  The dream I had was slightly disturbing... well maybe not disturbing but it bothered me.

I dreamt that this Dom insisted that I put on a yellow collar.  It was leather and studded.  I panicked.  I panicked because it was yellow... I feel this symbolizes more than just the color.

I think I’m terrified of submitting at the moment.  At least in a total sense.  I long for it... but it makes the Muse shake in her boots.

In the words of Red Forman, I was a real “dumbass” all through high school when it came to romance. I am not sure when it clicked or how it developed, but somewhere between graduation and the time I joined the Army… I grew an insatiable desire for intelligent, geeky guys. Now I won’t lie… I had my fair share of intelligent boyfriends who were rather nerdy… I just had not grown an appreciation for them as I have now.

This story takes place during my stay at Ft. Devens. It was somewhere in between my face slapping pussy worshipper and my first husband. I had this squad leader. He was tall, thin…wore glasses (I really love glasses). He kept his hair just within regulation length. I found myself insanely attracted to him. I don’t know if it was how he looked at me… maybe it was the fact that he was my squad leader AND a geek. He would treat me special. He was very protective. In fact, he and I became good friends.

I couldn’t help but notice that every time he would come talk to me, he would find some excuse to be really close; to brush against me or whisper to me. I thought I was losing my mind because every single time he touched me … it was like I had been electrocuted. Panties—instantly soaked. These “moments” went on for months.

He took me out for coffee one night, as friends. The chit chat was only mildly flirty. He asked me if I had ever dyed my hair blue. At that time, there was only one color my hair had not been; that was black. I asked why and he said it was because he swore to himself that he would never date or fall for a girl who had blue hair. What a random, odd, bizarre thing to say! I gave him a weird look and he just smiled at me. To this day I’m still like WTF?

I was having trouble with some schematic analysis and my squad leader offered to assist me one day. He sat down extremely close to me; so that he could see the schematics over my shoulder and suggest tips and tricks quietly in my ear. Naturally this afforded him the opportunity to nip and suck on my earlobes. He’d stop when he noticed that I was not focusing on my work. His hand slid onto my thigh and wreaked havoc between my legs. All I could think about was him… having his way with me… To hell with all those diodes and resistors… That was the first time he touched me with obvious deliberation. He almost kissed me but decided that he would probably get in trouble in such a public place, kissing his subordinate. That made me want it even more.

These moments of increased intensity continued to happen… passing in the stairwell of the barracks, the mess hall. One night we made plans to go to Boston to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. We had someone go along with us so it didn’t appear like a date. The entire night we secretly teased each other. I had never been so … I’d say “turned on”… but that just pales to what I was feeling. We all had dinner before the movie and we played with one another beneath the table. He was as hard as I was wet. All through the show it was more.

Finally we made it back to the barracks. He was dropping everyone off because he had been staying at some friends who lived in on post housing. I stayed back in his car and he informed me that his friends were out of town. He had the house to himself. He asked if I’d like to come home with him. I didn’t think we’d get another opportunity like that. I was dizzy with my desire. The edges of my vision were blurry … This was beyond want… this had turned into need. I could see it and feel it in him as well and that only heightened everything for me.

As soon as we entered the house, he slammed the front door with his foot and held me against the wall, pulling my leg around him. He finally kissed me. Roughly. All those months of teasing and touching had built up, to be released all in that moment. I had on a short skirt and stockings so it was easy for him to have access to all of me… and all of me he took. Right against that wall next to the front door, over the couch in the living room … off the front of the couch and onto the floor. A lot of biting and clawing. It was much needed.

I am writing this and wondering why I was such an idiot. I never slept with him again after that night and he left Devens about a week later. I never saw or heard from him again. Maybe I was still a dumbass.

Tee Hee

So... After I sent the picture of the slave drive and evil Milo with glowing eyes... I was excited to receive a message this morning that said:

”Hi slave. Ready now”

So I responded with “As you can see by my picture, the jumper is in the correct position.”

So then moments later I get a new message and squealed with delight as I read and laughed and slapped a hand over my mouth so I didn’t ... bellow ... because this line... had me on the floor:

”you come here. I’ll clear your jumpers”

So... as I promised I would... I sent him this:

01000111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101110 01110100 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110011 01110100 01100001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101101 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00100000 00100000 01000001 01110011 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01100100 01101101 01101001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01110011 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01101110 01100011 01100101 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01100010 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 10000000011001 01101101 00100000 01100001 01100110 01110010 01100001 01101001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01100011 01110101 01110010 01100101 00101110 00100000 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101101 01111001 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101100 01100001 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110000 01101001 01100011 01110100 01110101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100011 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100101 01100001 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110100 00101110 00100000 01010011 01100101 01110010 01101001 01101111 01110101 01110011 01101100 01111001 00101110 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01101110 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101111 01101101 00111111  

So as some of you are aware... I had received a series of emails from an “insta-dom” demanding for my submission and my picture... to which I sent him photos of my beloved Milo.

This, in turn led to his response of “Are you cat”... which I’ve created a cute blog series featuring my precious one true Dom.

This guy is quite a persistent fellow... I thought he would have given up but a few days ago he sent me another message that said:

”send slave. Show me your sexy assets.”

I had discussed with a friend, the possibility of snapping a few pictures of my Nissan.  Waddya think? 

I went in where I thought
no one else would care
I went in and you landed…
Right there

Can you feel that beating
That beautiful drum
That burning vibration
And delicate hum

The pulsing will never
Ever quiet or cease
I place a hand above it
There will never be a peace

A piece that keeps on beating
And drumming just for you
That burning keeps repeating
God, please tell me what to do

I’ve never seen your face
or felt your hands upon my skin
I’ve never heard your voice before
And never to begin

But I imagine all the ache
And all that sanguine ebb and flow
Even though I’ve never met you
It is you, I’ll always know.

Found it 😈

Performed and written by Martin Gore...

Sister of night
When the hunger descends
And your body's a fire
An inferno that never ends
An eternal flame
That burns in desire's name
Sister of night
When the longing returns
Giving voice to the flame
Calling you through flesh that burns
Breaking down your will
To move in for the kill
Oh sister, come for me
Embrace me, assure me
Hey sister, I feel it too
Sweet sister, just feel me
I'm trembling, you heal me
Hey sister, I feel it too
Sister of night
In your saddest dress
As you walk through the light
You're desperate to impress
So you slide to the floor
Feeling insecure
Sister of night
With the loneliest eyes
Tell yourself it's alright
He'll make such a perfect prize
But the cold light of day
Will give the game away
Oh sister, come for me
Embrace me, assure me
Hey sister, I feel it too
Sweet sister, just feel me
I'm trembling, you heal me
Hey sister, I feel it too

by Depeche Mode, lyrics by Martin Gore (sigh)

Close
Naked
Skin on skin
Tears are falling
Tears of joy
Her first boy
His first girl
Makes a change
In a world full of nothing
Though it's not love
It means something
She's lonely
And he says
It's for her only
That he lusts
She doesn't trust him
Nothing is true
But he will do
In a world full of nothing
Though it's not love
It means something
It's not easy to slip away
And believe it all
Though it's not love
It means something

I’ve been having a very restless night.  For some reason I keep waking up. This time it was due to a dream that I would consider more of a nightmare.  Nothing bad really happened in the dream but the company I kept makes my stomach turn.

I was living in this mobile home that I had to continuously crawl across the giant sofa to get from one side of the house to the other.  Everything in the home had to be  orange. Then it dawned on me.  

That was “twat waffle’s” favorite color. (Twat waffle being the name I have bestowed upon one of my past doms who was a narcissist and pedophile) (My auto text doesn’t even want to suggest the word “pedophile”... it just goes silent and blank).

I was busy cleaning everything and I looked down at myself and I was wearing a small pink gown that was too small.  I felt self conscious... and it was pink 😞.

Then I heard him. He said, “Hello, Kitten.”.... and right then and there I wanted to lunge for his jerky smirking face and rip it off.... but I woke up instead.

I eventually fell back to sleep and had a follow dream about my dad.  He’s been gone since 2016.  It was nice to hug him.  

I am not referring to the movement of molecules.  Last month... the last time I went dancing, I was overcome by a piece of music that moved me.  Never before had I put so much of myself into the dance but that music made it into my soul.  I was ... I just don’t have any words. 

Anyway... the song playing was by a band called Diffusion.  Apparently they are a trance electronic band from the 90’s.  I have found a little bit of their music online but I cannot find the specific track that made me such a puppet to the hymn.  I need this in my life.  It was like a moment with divinity.

I cannot remember the name of the song when I asked the DJ, but I would know it if I saw it.  

If anyone is a fan of 90s trance music and would like to enlighten the Muse... I would appreciate it greatly 😊.