It had been years since I had escaped the confines of a vanilla life. I had so many stressors surrounding me. My father had just passed away, my daughter suffered from severe depression and had been hospitalized a couple of times, and my son triggered a latent schizophrenic episode by indulging in LSD for the first time (the single worst week and a half of my life!). Work was demanding of my time; such is the way of the nursing field. I needed someone else to drive. I was starting to become a zombie. Actually not even as cool as a zombie… or a robot… I was… hmmm… What’s something super boring and snappish? I was turning into an accounting professor. Or the state of Delaware. You decide.
I couldn’t focus enough to draw or write. I was struggling in my psychopathology class… Oh! Something else boring… a 20 page research paper with no less than 10 sources to cite! I love writing but I sure as hell don’t love writing things that involve statistics and proving a point. I like pulling things out of my ass! (Shush!) I don’t like pulling things from other asses (okay I said that part on purpose). “No, Elrond from Lord of the Rings is not a valid source… neither is Yoda.” Fuckity fuck! Now I have to start all over! I found a Yoda quote in a fortune cookie once! “Do or do not; there is no try.”
Damn… Where was I? Oh yes.. So I couldn’t focus. Big surprise, huh? (*glances sheepishly at the above paragraph*) I needed some light free form interactive story role-playing with some romantic elements, so I started playing frequently. Sharon engaged in playing with me. He had a different character though. This one was a guy… and thus began our endless sessions of erotic role-playing.
Outside of our characters, we continued to get to know one another. We shared quite a bit. I think my submissive nature shines like a neon sign though. I didn’t have to tell Him I was/am a sub. He sought me out and would wait up for me, getting to know my schedule. We started discussing D/s terms and agreements, even though He said He’d likely be bad for me… I didn’t believe it for a second. He also promised that He’d have me constantly begging for release.
The first command He taught me was “Check”… I’m sure your imaginations can determine the nature of said command and thanks to Pavlov’s conditioned response… my answer was always the same. That one word, sent to me at the most random times… always elicited a very wet response.
The follow up to “Check” was “Show me”…. A bit self explanatory.
In the beginning, He gave me tasks that were designed to help improve my relationship with my vanilla boyfriend, but eventually things fizzled out and died on that end and Sir decided that the boyfriend did not deserve me.
We had a bit of a bumpy road but I became so enthralled with Him. He lived so far away… over land and sea. My heart ached because I knew that it would come to an end one day. He seemed to care deeply about the things that were most important to me. He didn’t care about my outward appearance as much as he cared about my character. He seemed to understand why I stayed with my boyfriend even though he completely disagreed with it.
He sent me a remote Bluetooth vibrator, that he could control, all the way from where he was… I suppose it was the most intimate thing we could possibly do together. The day he bought it for me was the first time he had me utter the three most important words I have ever said to anyone. “I belong to you.”
After a year and several months of involvement, I confessed my feelings for him.
(To be continued)
