This past weekend was my first time going to Sir in Seattle. It was so beautiful! Being with him in his home only made me so much more excited for January! I got to cook and clean for him, cuddle and love him... it was amazing! January can not come soon enough.. being with him for part of the month...AMAZING!
Seattle will come with its challenges.
1. It is cold!
2. It constantly rains!
3.Crazy drivers (My Sir included).
Im born and raised from the desert. 50 degrees is our winter where I live and 50 degrees was their high when I was with him. I was constantly cold. But that is the best reason to request cuddles! And Sir gives the BEST cuddles.
Most wont understand how fulfilling it is for me to take care of him in just simple ways as cooking and cleaning. But it is VERY fulfilling. He is so busy and being able to help make even the smallest part of his days easier is a huge accomplishment in my book.
Sadly, I was only there for the weekend and couldn't do as much for him as I had wanted. January brings the chance to accomplish more for him and myself. He has begun to open doors for me in a new profession. A career I never in my wildest dream could have ever seen myself doing but I enjoy it so much. Nursing has always been a passion for me but slowly I am losing my drive for it and I am not sure how that really makes me feel. But when I complete work on this new field and I see my work come to life.. the sense of wonder I feel is amazing!
Those who have read my blogs and forum post know that Sir and mines relationship doesn't come with out struggles. I have opened up on here that I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and that is no longer the case. I recently found out I have bipolar 1 which is bipolar depression. My antidepressant medication was stopped abruptly and I have been placed on a mood stabilizer. I have found it very hard to accept the bipolar to know that I will be medicated for the rest of my life. That without the medication I will have no control. Its not an easy thing to swallow.
My Sir and my family have been wonderful with everything but this last week and a half they have made my heart swell. When my medication was stopped Sir was here with me for about a week. He witnessed sides of me I hoped he never would have seen. Nightmares I thought were behind me have resurfaced. I have added so many more marks onto my body... most was unintentional some were not...
My family has stood by myside. My ex (daughters father) encouraged me to step back from being a mom this past week so I could focus on this, to allow my Sir to watch over me and ensure my well-being while he stepped up and did more as a father. I cant even begin to describe how grateful I am for all of them. They encouraged my "vacation" to Seattle so I could step away from my stressors and relax and enjoy life again. Sadly though.. being on vacation and with my love doesn't stop the mood swing and there were a couple moments where I dropped... I made things so very hard for my Sir and he stood by my side and held strong. He never gave up on me when I continue to give up on myself.
I don't show my gratitude often and when I am in a "mood" I am unable to even acknowledged it.. but I am so grateful for my family, for having an amazing friendship with a man whos heart I shattered and for my Sir. Because of them new adventures are headed my way and with their strength and support I will be able to be the best me I can be.
