Firecracker Diaries - A combination of stories, random thoughts and an appreciation log of life with Daddy

Appreciation...

There’s a whole lot of times that I have thought about how someone didn’t appreciate me...or didn’t notice what I had done. I’m sure everyone thinks about this every now and then. Whether it be at work or in your personal life. You just can’t help it sometimes.

But if you really think about it, it’s really a selfish though. And when you get down to it...is it necessary? Yes, it’s nice to be recognized...but is it necessary?

Does it define you? Do you need it? Not really....

You never really know what’s going on with other people...and further more you can’t control what they do. All you can control is what you do, and how you handle yourself.

I try and show my appreciation through kind gestures and telling loved ones how much they mean to me. I tell my Master very often how much he means to me...and I hope he sees it in my actions.

This is self gratification for me...even when it’s not always what you get in return from others. Knowing that I have expressed how I feel...is all I can control.

Be kind to people...say thank you for the little things...tell someone something nice. You never know how much it will mean to them.

Until tomorrow...

Pinterest to the rescue...

If you’re not a Pinterest user...you should be! It basically helps you make anything!

I wanted to make Master a good dinner...and since I’m not good in the kitchen...I turned to Pinterest!

Baked salmon, roasted potatoes and broccoli with cheese.

I’m positive that Gordan Ramsey would have thrown it across the room...but it was a success for me! He loved it! I over did the potatoes a bit...but it was pretty delicious! Might even score me some “get out of punishment “ points! Ha!

We are counting down the days until he is off again...and I’m trying to make his evenings enjoyable! I’m trying to be the best little submissive he ever dreamed of! Lol

Until tomorrow...

Stormy Weather...

There has been a lot of stormy weather lately...all over the country. It’s really crazy how the weather has been record breaking all over the country! Even here I’m Colorado where there was snow falling in late May!

When it’s stormy or snowing I get real romantic. Like let’s lay and cuddle, make love and cuddle some more. This kind of weather takes me to that scene in “City of Angels” where they make love in front of 5he fire place...it makes me want that moment...every single time.

Why that kind of weather does that to me...I will never know. But I have been that way since I can remember. A dream vacation for me would be a cabin with lots of windows, by a lake and surrounded by trees and beautiful landscapes...and have it rain the entire time we were there. Just me and my love holed up there for days...naked, making love, taking baths, making love, watching TV, sitting on the porch watching rain, making love, drinking wine, cooking for each other and more making love. That would be a perfect holiday...

These are my thoughts as I watch the clouds rolling in...sweet smell of the rain and my love right next to me.

Until tomorrow...

Uncertainty...

I started this blog with another title and as I wrote it sounded very much like a pity party. A blog filled with rambling about why I am not deserving of him and all the reason he shouldn’t want me. But I stopped and erased and started over.

Uncertainty is really a negative word. And I still struggle with uncertainty when it comes to myself...about lots of things...it’s something I struggle with ongoing. But one thing I am certain of is how much I love him.

I’m certain that he is the one for me. I certain that he is the man that has completely changed my life and makes me feel better about trying to be more certain about myself. I’m certain that he has bettered my life and filled my heart with sunshine again.

I know that there are many many things that are uncertain...one thing that I know for certain is that this love is real...whether or not I’m deserving of it is another topic...because I truly believe he deserves oh so much more. But this is real...and I’m definitely certain of that!!

Until tomorrow...

Long Days...

Both of us had a long day...and then it seemed like forever to get to him. The holiday weekend made the traffic extremely heavy...the place I picked up dinner from was where the entire world decided to eat...delaying me even further.

From the moment I walked into his hotel room...my day was instantly forgotten and I was overtaken by joy. All it takes is to be in his presence to feel normal...better...and perfectly content and happy.

I hope I have the same effect on him. I hope that I have that calming and inner peace type of effect. I hope he looks forward to seeing my face a fraction of how much I do.

Honestly I hope everyone has the opportunity to experience the feeling of having a long day to have it wiped away by just being in the presence of the one love that changes your world. The precious power of love...

Until tomorrow...

Surprises

My Daddy is wonderful about giving me special surprises. From big to little he is the best.

During my drive to work this morning I was thinking about a couple of surprises that I wanted to do for him. During the day I was reminded about how horrible I am about actually doing it.

I feel really lousy about it too...I always think about things to do...but I get inside my head about whether he will like it or not? I get so wrapped up on these little details one of two things will happen...I will stress about and end up not doing it or I will just ask him what he wants and either just do get it or get it right there with him...no surprises.

I am now on a mission to be better...it’s not about perfecting the perfect gift...it’s all in the thought and showing him how special he is to me. Because he is special....and I really need to be better about him those special surprises that let him really see how much I think about him...not just telling him.

Love is much more than physical and emotional...it’s also in the actions we show each other...it’s about making the person that matters the most feel that way too.

I love this man more than anything in this world...I want him to see that in my actions...not just my words.

Until tomorrow...

Need vs. Want

I had a super needy day today. The kind of day where I was the example of every meme ever written about a woman on her period.

My Daddy dealt with me being indecisive and whiny. Then insecure and needy. Apologetic and unresponsive...and he finally told me to come to him.

This was exactly what I needed. I immediately feel normal back in his presence. So the question is...do I really need him or do I just want him so bad it hurts? I think it’s both....yes I do want to be with him every second of every day...but I seriously believe I need him...

I need him in the way I need air or water or food. My body, my emotions and my soul need him to function properly. How is it that I feel 1000% better about w every thing when he is near? My mind is at ease and my heart is happy.

I’m convinced that I was on auto pilot before him. Now that my body knows what life is like...it will not function on anything less...

Until tomorrow...

Family Dinner...

I hurried home to make dinner for Master. He drove home tonight...and I couldn’t wait to see him.

We only have a couple of hours to spend together before he has to sleep and be up early to go to work...and every second with him is precious. I’m not much of a cook and my compilation of food doesn’t make a whole lot of sense...but the point is to be able to sit and enjoy time together.

Gathered at the table...watching him eat and pretend to enjoy my food is better than anything. I wish I could cook better so he would enjoy it better...but being together is worth it.

We watched the final episode of GOT and then we curled into bed and wrapped into each other. No better feeling in the world. My world is always better when he is with me.

Simple pleasures...

Until tomorrow...

A night alone...

The circumstances of the day did not allow us to be together this evening...damn traffic and weather just did not allow it to happen. And since it should snow tonight it’s probably better that he’s not on the road.

Either way it leaves us alone tonight. And I was sure hoping to have a repeat of last nights session!! What an amazing night!!!

Today was an extremely long Monday...and I was a little pouty about us not being able to be together...so between the day I had and the news that he couldn’t make it home...my attitude wasn’t where it should have been. But Master reminded me about our amazing night last night and said I should focus on that and leave the day behind. He’s totally right!!! I had an amazing night with him last night...I shouldn’t let anything effect the good that I have...nothing...I need to always remember what’s important...we have each other and that’s what important...

Even though I’m alone tonight...I’m still so thankful for him and reminding me what’s important. I will be looking forward for tomorrow...when I’m back in his arms. Thank you Daddy...

Ticking clock...

We are back in the stretch of Daddy’s work days....and I found myself checking the clock mostly all

day. I find it interesting that we are approaching a year that this man caught my eye...and even with that amount of time I still can’t get enough.

I’m blessed that he gets to work so close now...so close I can come and see him and stay and he can come home. Even with that ...when he left me this morning...from the moment he closed the door to his hotel room...I find myself watching the clock and counting down until I will be back with him.

I go through the day...doing things to occupy the time...but not one second goes by without me thinking of him or thinking when I will be back with him.

This feeling has only intensified over time. I’m able to manage the emotional part much better than in the beginning...I don’t cry or feel weepy anymore about it...but I just feel empty without him. Just like I’m missing something...or it’s like I’m not really enjoying anything without him there too.

My heart just doesn’t beat the same without him with me...our rhythm is what my body needs to function properly...so my days are filled with the distant sound of a clock ticking until I am back with him...

Tic toc tic toc tic toc

Until tomorrow...