Firecracker Diaries - A combination of stories, random thoughts and an appreciation log of life with Daddy

Finally to the half way point...and my body is patiently waiting. Waiting for his touch, kiss, rubs, foreplay, scratches, slaps and penatration.

It has been 10 days since I have been allowed an orgasm...and I find it frustrating and pleasing at the sametime. An orgasm alone is simply a release...nothing more. It feels good...but nothing like the way he makes me feel. The orgasm he gives me takes me to another place. Its like he makes my everything orgasm together to send my body into an eruption of wonderful harmony with his body...and for that moment our bodies are making the most beautiful music anyone has ever heard. Everytime its a new song...but just as wonderful as before.

Each time he takes me he lets go a little more. I want him to give me his everything...show me the side that he is holding back...just letting a little out at a time. He knows already when to make love to me and when to fuck me. I can see it in his eyes when he is my lover, my master and when he is my Daddy...the best is when he blends them all in one session. But to be honest...I love them all...blended or separate.

My dreams change throughout the nights while he is gone. Some are filled with wild savage fucking...bound, whipped, cuffed, head sore from hair pulling and me bruised and marked everywhere in a good way. Then there is the love making scenes...where are bodies are melting together and we can't get enough. 

I know when he comes home every one of those scenes will be played out...and I can't wait. My body aches for him...and the anticipation can almost make me orgasm all on its own.

10 more days until he rewards me with his touch, his kiss and his cock...and the ravenous appetite he has for my body. 10 more days and my world will be complete once again...10 more days...

Until tomorrow...

Master spent most of the day in the vehicle which allows him to talk to me most of the day...either through regular cellphone conversations or via video calls. I look forward to days like today when he is away because I am off and can focus all of my attention on him and these precious calls. I can see his eyes, his lips and the way he looks at me. It also gives me the opportunity to talk to him about my role and what he expects.

My rules are new and technically have not taken full effect. He is allowing me to get use to the rules before they are in full effect. For the most part I am so excited to please him and be under his control. The other part of me is extremely nervous that I am going to displease him and he will take away my collar and leave (there are more imaginative ways I could state how this happens...but we will leave it at that).

I think that in the past I have always been in control of how the emotion goes in a relationship. I mean if I didn't like it...I shut it down...and that was it. I now have opened myself to be the one to be controlled...not to control....and it leaves me very unsteady of where I stand. Even though this is what I want more than anything. I want him to control me...I want to worship his body and his mind. 

I trust him completely and look forward to each day that he takes more control over me. I want him to tell me exactly what he wants and how he wants it. I also need him to correct me if I am doing it wrong...and punish me if I don't listen. 

I also need to be adored by him. I need to be wanted and loved by him. Its more than something I want...for the first time in my life I feel like it is something my soul needs. Every part of my body perks up with even just the sound of his voice...

With each passing day my body aches more without his touch. I crave to have his body in my hands, my mouth...inside of me. I crave the marks he leaves on my body...they remind me I am his. I dream about his eyes looking into mine as he takes me...the sweet pain of him pawing at my skin while his cock pulses inside of me...taking me to extreme pleasure and driving my body to convulse. I miss him...I want him every minute of every day.

We are still 11 days away...My body is waiting patiently for him... and my soul grows happier everyday he calls me his...

Until tomorrow.

I know it sounds strange to have the first post titled Day 8...but this is Day 8 of 20 that I have to be away from Sir. I have been writing in a Journal to him since day 1. He recently added a daily blog to my rules...so I found this forum to post.

My Master works away for 20 days a month which leaves me alone without him. We recently entered into this relationship and I am new to the collared life...so learning without him here with me is extremely hard.

In my previous life everything was extremely vanilla and submission to anything was unheard of to me. Submissive anything is just was not anything that I felt until he came along. I mean I might have liked things a little rough sometimes....but that was just a moment in the bedroom...nothing else.

Daddy has changed everything without "doing" anything. I immediately felt submissive to him...even though I pursued him. When we finally got together...within an extremely fast amount of time I felt the urge to be owned by him...to give him my everything. That feeling has not stopped...and even though he is away from me...that feeling grows stronger. All I want to do is serve him...

The amount of pain I feel that he is away from me is more that just emotional. How can I experience actual pain from his absence? IDK?? but I do!! My heart hurts the most...and I will have periods of time where tears just run down my face...it just happens. Its hard for me to express that him...even when he wants me to be honest with him and express my feelings verbally all the time...I don't think he knows what to do about this...and neither do I. Its just going to take time...and learning how to be apart and be a good slave and worship him from a far.

I look forward to the end of day 20...so I can be rewarded with his touch, his kiss, his hands on my body...How do I show him/earn this reward when he is so far away?? I do I prove my worthiness of his affection when I can't touch him? 

Learning and being lead by him is showing me more...and having him guide me to control these feelings helps me...I hope I make him proud. We shall see...

Until tomorrow...