Why is it that I am strong and confident in every aspect of my life...but with him I’m sometimes paranoid and all the insecurities creep in.
The slightest thought that he might be upset with me or that I might have disappointed him in anyway is absolutely crushing to me.! Like debilitating and painful. It will take me to a place where I don’t know what to do.
This is something I have been working on because it’s all very new to me. I don’t know how to act or what to say when I actually care about not wanting to lose someone. My usual before was to just be like...I don’t care, go if you want...but now it’s different and I don’t want him to ever go. This causes problems that I create...because this makes me hold back and that’s not what he wants. He wants me to be open and forthcoming with all my thoughts and fears.
This is all about my personal insecurities I know...and I’ve gotten so much better than 6 months ago. But it’s still a daily struggle to accept that he loves me for who I am.
I working on it...but it’s still hard.
Until tomorrow...