Rollar coaster of a day....happy and some tears. Its getting closer and closer to him coming home to me...which makes me extremely happy, but the anticipation is still pushing my emotions to the limits.
I know my attachment to my Master is growing stronger...my need for him increases daily. My body physically craves all of him...but my mind and soul crave him inside my head. Teaching and training me...and pulling me into him. Controlling all of me...
Physically I need him...my sexual drive has really been tested. I am a very sexual being...orgasms are part of my daily life...Until I became his. I must have permission to orgasm...either alone or with him. I have not asked for permission to orgasm while his is gone for a couple of reasons...I want to save it for when I am with him and after having an orgasm with him...why would I want one alone?? I will have an extremely hard time holding it back while he is taking me...i will beg him to let me have them freely. I want to give him pleasure until he can't take anymore. I can't wait for him to ravage my body with everything he has built up for me while he has been gone.
Emotionally I need him. For someone who is so strong and not dramatic...I find myself a weeping emotional mess about him...either from happiness or weakness for not having him with me. I would have never dreamed that I could have this much attachment to a person...much less feel like I'm not alive or truly living if he is not apart of me.
Maybe this is because I have submitted to him and this is my mind learning to let go. Maybe this was the way it always should have been and it just took us a while to find each other. Who knows...but what I do know is that in 8 more days I will be back in his arms,in his bed, under his protection and under his control literally. I want it....I need it.
Until tomorrow...