Only 7 more days until he is home...and my tears are flowing tonight.
I feel so very blessed to have found my "one"...how could I have ever imagined this feeling I have for him. These feelings amaze me daily and catch me totally off guard...tears will just roll down my face just thinking about him. I feel like I cant breathe at times without him near me...or knowing I cant be with him tonight. It kills me that I should be there to care for his every need, want and desire...and I'm not. How horrible it makes me feel that I am not doing right by him.
Its so strange to me that before I entered into this relationship...my idea of what this was going to be or how these relationships went was totally wrong. I was always intrigued with idea of being a submissive in the bedroom and playing a part...I never actually thought it would be a lifestyle. I also never concidered the emotional side of it. I thought it would be something like this....I am told how to do it and when...and thats pretty much it.
So here I am...a collared submissive...slave for my Master...owned....how ever you want to call it...here I am and it's nothing like that at all.
It could be that I fell for him before he collared me...but submitting myself to him has been more than just waiting for him to tell me how he wants it. Its making sure that everything I do contributes not only to his happiness but enriches our relationship. Its allowing myself to give my everything to him so he can open up my body for extreme pleasure, open up my emotions to being free and honest and guiding me to blend them both to experience what true love is...through the body and mind.
He has opened my soul and let himself in...he shall never want to anything anymore...all I have I would give him. What I wouldn't do to make him happy...what I would do to ensure he understands everyday how much his happiness is my happiness.
Here lies the curse in this situation. I am cursed to be pained with not having him with me daily so I can care for him. Which makes me doubt every single day that I am worthy to be called his. Am I doing what my soul has vowed to him? Am I taking care of him like my heart has promised? No...I am not...and this adds to the pain of my selfish needs to be with him and my promise to care and submit all for his happiness.
He comforts me daily and encourages me with his kind words and wonderful optimism for everything...but I need him more than he knows...not only for me but for him. I don't want him to see my pain...sometimes it just comes out. And I fear it will get worse If I don't figure out a way to be with him longer tha 10 days a month...
I want him to be proud of who he has collared for himself...I want him to know what a King really feels like...everyday.
Until tomorrow...
