Today I took sometime to think about my submission to my Sir...and why somethings are so hard for me.
I read another Sub's blog and her revelation of what has been holding her back with her Master...her own mind set! Her learning to let herself truly submit to him and not try and control the situation. It made me have an AH HA moment for myself. I also read a couple of great articles on dominantsoul.com that really brought some things to light for me.
I have realized that I am a submissive that is an Alpha female in all other aspects of my life. I am naturally bossy and aggressive in everyday life. I typically intimidate other men or in my past have dominanted the relationship. This is probably why all of them have failed....that doesn't fulfill me and honestly turns me off. I think I have always desired someone that control me and could handle me...and all others never could....until I found my one.
Because I have always been this way in my life...even though it was not what I desired...I still have an urge to control a situation personally. This is not how a true submissive acts. When I gave myself to him I committed to turning my body, mind and soul over to him...and to trust him to take me and lead me in all aspects of my life. Turn over all control of everything to him. Here is an excert from one of the articles:
He is Your One: This is how an anonymous sub described her submission in a private email to me, “He is my heart divorced from my body. What I do for Him I would not do for any other soul. He often remarks that He has yet to find the thing I will not do for Him. I kneel in supplication because it honors Him. There is no way I can ever repay Him for making me whole. Instead, I give Him all of myself. There is no part that I do not offer to Him. I am not a masochist. I know he enjoys inflicting pain. I give this to Him. My tears are part of my service. I endure, comforted in the knowledge that He would never harm me.”
I really am going to work on trusting where he is leading me...being patient on our journey getting there...and having faith in the love he gives me.He is my one...and I will only do these things for him. He fell in was interested in the Alpha female that he knows in the real world...and he feel in love with the submissive that gave all of herself to him. I am learning how to be both at the same time!!
I am loving the journey...and cant wait to learn more.
16 more days...I miss him so much....but love him more everyday.
Until tomorrow.
