I have been truly blessed today by reading all the encouraging words/comments on my post from yesterday. It is really humbling to know that their are so many of us that feel the same ways about ourselves and our lives. I have been on this journey of change and discovery of myself for a while now...and up until recently it has truly been by myself.
When I found my Master...I never would have dreamed in a thousand years that he would be my Master. You know how when you meet someone and there is a spark that lights a fire...but you feel that you are the only one that knows that the fire is burning...and you should just keep that fire hidden because he would never chose you...NEVER. Well that was me with him...He would grace me with his presence, melt my heart and then off he would be...in his world that had nothing to do with me. I would dream about him, have butterflies at the thought of him, flirt with him...but everything in me said he will never be with you...NEVER. And then the day came that he looked at me different...or maybe he just finally let me see that he looked at me different...and when the moment came to his lips touching mine...I knew. I knew because I have been waiting my whole life for that moment. That moment when every single thing that I thought I knew about love, sex, devotion, passion and desire...came rushing in to say that everything has been getting you ready for him.
The night that I felt his hand on my neck in such a way that showed me he wanted me...and he wanted more that just my body...he wanted all of me....he wanted my mind, body and soul. I whispered to him that I wanted him to dominate me...that I could feel what he wanted...and I wanted to submit. Little did I understand what that meant at the time...little did I know that I would have to work hard to give to him what he deserved.
He took time to help me understand what submission is and what I would have to do to be his. How he wanted all of me...he wanted my thoughts, all of my emotions, all of my truths, he wanted us to be one in all aspects of the word. He gave me time to understand and agree. I have rules that I must live by...I can't hide anything from him...nothing at all...he must know everything...all the emotions, all the fears. I must ask for permission for everything...which i have learned is helping me be truly open with him. In fact...I am learning that every single rule is helping me become more in tune with him and becoming one...and these rules are imperative while he is away...to keep me focused on my focus of us.
This is also opening up parts of myself that I have hidden away...even from myself. Some days are hard...really hard. I mean there is parts that I don't want to be honest with myself about...much less anyone else....but he is there with me every step of the way...and now I see a growing community of friends that are just like me. It really helps to know that there are others out there that feel the same way I do about relationships, that understand why I submit to him, that see the beauty in what we do and understand the emotions...understand that my love for my Master cant compare to a love in the vanilla world....that the love for my Sir is to my core...he is literally my heart...and he is the only person that keeps it beating. How the pain of being with out my Master is real...not just an emotion.
I wanted to share a couple of excerts from an article about submissives. I relate to these so much...They are some of the why's my soul has been searching for him...why I want to submit to him my everything...and why it pleases me to do so:
Deep Trust & Intimacy: I give my subs a safe emotional/sexual sanctuary. They show me a deeply intimate part of themselves that they have usually never shown any other man, even their former husbands and boyfriends. They know they are emotionally safe to be completely “naked” with me knowing they are unconditionally accepted for their desires, kinks and fantasies. They also know that any desire or fantasy can be realized with me without any judgment, ridicule, criticism or rejection. We share a journey of deep intimacy to places they won’t likely travel to with other men.
Pleasing & Servicing Other’s Needs: Most subs are pleasers by nature and by their upbringing. There is a deep sense of accomplishment and self-worth that comes from meeting the needs of others for them. Sexually and non-sexually pleasing a Dominant give them a great sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
I hope that each one of you that read this find your one. The one that can dominant you and build you up at the same time. The one that makes the lights a little brighter when they look at you. The one that your soul comes alive for. I'm here to tell you that it's not easy...and I'm still learning to give to him my everything...but its all worth it. Be patient...and understand that sometimes becoming his means understanding and giving to yourself.
Until tomorrow...
