Warning!!! This is going to be a sappy sappy blog...
With only 4 more days to go I feel myself slipping into world of only him. What I mean by that is I only think about him and having him home (I know...that's everyday!!)...but its more than that...I can't think of anything else other than wanting to be with him. I'm a zombie through everything else...I even looked at myself a while in the mirror today...and I don't think I ever really saw myself...I know that sounds weird...but it's true.
Its so bad that even when we are on the phone...he asks me if I'm going to talk...and it's then that I realize that I have either just been staring (video chat) and dreaming about smelling his skin...or I have been concentrating on hearing his breathing (regular call). I might be losing my mind!!!
I just want to melt into him...if that's even possible. I want to be held like a child inside of his arms...I want to kiss him for hours...I want to make love and have crazy sex...I want to lay side him while he plays his games...I want to watch him, breathe his air and listen to his heart beat. I need to see his eyes and touch his lips...sleep beside him and hold him tight.
I can feel my "you can do this" suit coming off...and the emotions are rushing back. Its so close I can taste it and my patience for the next couple of days is very thin. My heart is on the verge of tears with every little thing(this could be my menstrating brain too)...but my sensitivity to ultra high!!! Everything is one or the other to me right now....it either doesn't matter at all or it might make me cry...there is no in between.
It also pulls at my heart strings to see that he is missing me more too...and ready to come home. I think our bodies and souls are screaming to be back with each other! I'm starting to stress about making sure everything is perfect...you know I want to ensure that he is 100% satisfied while he is home....and he is able to enjoy every single second of his off time.
I can't wait to have our physical time together...but mostly just to have our time TOGETHER!!! Even though I am that person that could have sex every single hour (maybe more)...no I'm not kidding...I would give that up just to be in his arms (if I had to). Im feeling so drawn to be with him....it is taking over everything else in my life. That has to mean that I am supposed to be with him...and I need to make that happen quickly. I have never felt this drawn to want to be by someone's side more than I have now. They say you get used to this...it gets easier....and you know what...maybe in my old life that would have been true...maybe with someone else that would have been true. Not with him...every part of me hurts more the longer we are apart...it doesn't get easier...its getting harder. And to be honest...I don't want it to be easier...I always want to feel this drawn to him....I always want to feel so much in love with this man that I can't imagine spending one minute away from him...I want it to hurt when I can't touch him. Isnt that the way it should be?? When you love someone and submit your everything to them....shouldn't it be horrible to be without them??
Am I crazy? Does anyone feel this frazzled about their one? Does anyone know how wonderfully different this love is?
I sure hope others feel like I do...It's crazy, painful and wonderful all wrapped into one.
Until tomorrow...
