7 more days to go...and my excitement is building!! I honestly am tapping my fingers already!!
So with all this excitement and trip planning....why the tears tonight? Why did tears just start streaming down my face the moment I got off the phone with him tonight? Not just little tears...fat sobbing tears!!
I’ve been so consumed with being sick, Christmas shopping and trip planning that I had not realized how busy I have been. Busy is a good thing while he is gone...it keeps my mind going and the time passing faster. But today it kind of slowed down for me...and I think the lonely set in a little.
Lonely is not always a bad thing. It helps you appreciate all the time you do have...and cherish the physical touch so much more when he’s with me....but it does make me cry.
I was alone before him...and I have felt lonely before...but now...with him...it takes on a new meaning...a deeper feeling of emptiness without him. It’s not about any attention or physical contact...it’s simply to be in his presence...this is when I feel alive. Without him either on the phone or together...I just exist. Just waiting to be back with him.
I know this sounds crazy...and maybe it is...but it’s truly the way I feel. I still have my identity and am very much still my own person...but I just feel black and white ...no color without him.
We will be back together soon enough and these feelings will be gone...my Master will bring color back into my world and my heart back to my chest. Until then...there might be a few more tears...
Until tomorrow...
