Only 5 more days left and it is DRAGGING!!! I need him home!!!!
Soooo...I’ve been in a funk lately...mostly missing him and bored out of my mind while job hunting...and it doesn’t help when your stir crazy, missing your Master and your on your period!! So to say that I’ve been emotional over the last couple of days would be an understatement.
I broke down and talked to him today about it...and also about trying to get feedback about if I’m doing the right things and doing what I should be about learning about this lifestyle. He reassured me and told me a few things...which I’m grateful for. I’m not really sure what I was looking for him to say...I also don’t know why it makes me so nervous to talk to him about what I might be feeling...but it does. I think I get so tied up in my head that I will push him away because I’m not doing what I’m supposed to...or I will push him away if I ask to many questions because that’s not what a submissive does. He is very supportive...and continues to talk to me about communication and how important it is. I think I get so wrapped up in the...should I or shouldn’t I discussion in my head that I freak myself out.
So what did I do??? I read another article about how to be a better sub. And what I got out of it was...I need some retail therapy!! One of the best ways I can be better for him is focus on myself. I am a direct reflection of him...in every aspect. This means the way I talk, the way I look and my health.
So one thing that I will focus on while he is away is me. My body and my health...dedication to my gym time and my diet. My skin routine. My wardrobe and my physical appearance. This means making myself to his liking even when he is not here. I will allow myself some no make-up days to let my skin rest...but I would not be around anyone. I will continue to ask for permission for my daily activities...and consult him on decisions. This will also help to ease my mind about obsessing about him...not that I will ever stop being obsessed with him...but building my personal power just increases the power I give to him.
I think that this will help me focus on something good for myself...that will benefit him in so many ways. I also think that building on me will bring me the satisfaction I crave the most...his satisfaction.
Until tomorrow...