im just gonna be blunt here......and tell you yes you....we need to talk about ""red flags""
and yes i mean red flags as in...when you are talking to a prospective Domly....pay attention to the things that they tell you.
First of all...experience. yeah yeah yeah ....there are those who show up in here and talk all about how they are 18 but dont let that get in the way...you are gonna be soooo surprised when you learn how mature they are. Now im gonna take my gloves off and speak very frankly and i expect everyone to take this seriously. Mature???????? mature is good but Masters are Masters for good reasons. they have experience and they are very very good at what they do. they can tune into their partners body and know when enough is enough and when its time for after care and yes when there are dangerous signals and yes ive known people who have had to call for help. But let me tell you......being mature is great ....but there is a whole lot more that rolls into being a BDSM Master.
So when someone is 18 and claiming that they have Mastery level skills in BDSM it screams..RED FLAG. And by the way ....red means stop do not proceed with them. You dont want to be tied up and have things done to you to overstimulate parts of your body by someone who has spent 10 years of his puberty and teens controlling his star wars toys. that just isnt a great idea.
And lets go back to experience...yeah the star wars toys or their sisters barbie dolls or maybe the family pets but if you hear that actual flesh and blood human beings were being dominated then we are talking minors pure and simple. if you are told that adults were dominated then all you are facing is a really spoiled controlling little brat. Do you want to be dominated by someone who is operating with nothing more than a childs mentality. Cause lets be honest here ...who has time to hang out with a child in an adult body when there are other adults out there to be found?
And there are those of us who have put time into creating a profile. when someone emails you here and has definitely not read your profile.....its a red flag. they have in fact disregarded you and your profile by not reading it...what will they do to you when you are playing with them? Will they disregard your limits? You can end up dead by not paying attention to red flags.
And if someone for instance states that they love degrading their subs and you KNOW that you are not interested in that....you need to clearly state that. but if they continue to talk about it ....or you feel like they are trying to convince you to alllow it to happen to you....its a RED FLAG.
Never ever let anyone force you to do anything you dont want to do unless you have discussed it before hand. Some subs are into consent non consent and that is a totally dangerous game. Before you play this game make sure you have researched it and that you TRUST the other person completely meaning that you have played a lot with them and you know you can trust them not to intentionally or unintentionally hurt you.
And ghosting as i have learned its called recently. when you meet somone online and chat awhile and then suddenly they disappear. could be you cammed for them. could be you sent them sexy pictures of yourself. you are likely to be used for someone to masterbate if you easily give up pictures of yourself or go on cam. Now if that is your kink and you sexually get off to it...then by all means have at it.
But another reason for ghosting can be that person is married. if contact between you is totally initiated and controlled by them chances are they are sneaking around some kind of family. there again if your kink is being that other person then by all means enjoy the fuck out of yourself. but DO NOT come in here into chat and bitch about it to everyone. You can decide to be someones toy ...but then you dont get to change your mind. the only choice you have then is to quit the activity.
One of the oldest tricks that i have experience watching male Dominants do is the sub and slave switch. They agree to you being their submissive. and early on in the beginning of the relationship you make a mistake and they seem to blow it totally out of proportion. and before you know it they are telling you that all will be forgiven if you agree to be their slave instead. AGAIN....BIG FAT RED FLAG.
the minute they try the switch with you its time to block them totally from all communication with you. if they tried to pull that off on you there is no telling how many times you are going to have to be on your guard as they continue to try to get you to be their slave instead. save yourself the aggravation and walk away.
And yes our hearts get tangled up in our shit...and we fall in love....and it can be tough but in the end you have to think about what is best for all of you.
TPE is total power exchange ....someone who gets you to agree to that...will take complete control of you and your life and quite possibly your money. you could end up working and they could take every dime you make. and then be told what to wear when to wear it. or what you cant wear. who you can talk to or who you cant. you wanna see them grandkids well think again...it needs to be okayed with the Dominant. you want to see your family for christmas? think again.
So be careful what you agree to. Before you seriously chat with someone.....make it known you only want online contact. And if you want R/L which is real life...you had better damn well know what you want real life to be like and what you will and wont agree too. and put slave on the top of that list. make slave be something you can decide to do later down the road
And long distance......long distance is hard. its not easy. your insecurities play up and can make you nuts. so if you dont want the hassles of long distance then tell someone early on that you cant do it. maybe online only. let me tell you from experience its hard having a relationship with someone who lives 1000 miles away from you.
And poly now there is a huge fat kettle of stuff that can be a real challenge for a new sub. again know what it is that you want. if you dont want to share your Domly then poly is not for you. However sharing that Domly means that you will not always be ""on call"" it means you will have more freedom.
and for all you beginners it sucks finding yourself faced with being a new sub with no experience and adding long distance on it...and then tacking on the Domly is poly. its really tough to navigate and survive all those challenges. Im not saying that long distance and poly are red flags. im just saying that if you put those challenges on your plate you are going to have to do some hard work to conquer the challenges you will face.
The biggest red flag of all is when you are chatting with someone and you just get the feeling that they are not listening to you. if that doubt circles around in the back of your brain....its a red flag.
