Ghosting
ghost·ing
[ˈɡōstiNG]
NOUN
1. the appearance of a ghost or secondary image on a television or other display screen.
2. the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
"I thought ghosting was a horrible dating habit reserved for casual flings"
Why do people ghost someone? I’m sure the reasons are as a numerous as the number of people that act this way. We are all supposedly adults, you are legally an adult when you turn 18 years old. But turning 18 doesn’t mean that you automatically act like an adult. I’ve met some teenagers who act more like an adult then some adults who are well past double the legal age. But the question remains, why is it so hard to tell someone you no longer wish to correspond with them?
I think in some cases that the individuals doing it are the all to numerous typical idiots, fakes, wannabes and children out there that we’ve all heard about and some of us have dealt with. Subs will meet a Dom, start to correspond with him and ask a lot of questions (have you ever met a sub, experienced or a newbie, that didn’t ask a lot of questions?) and the wannabe Dom realizes he’s in over his head, doesn’t have the answers and just disappears. Or maybe it’s the Dom who is chatting up a sub and He/She is asking questions that the sub should be able to answer, but suddenly they are late for a meeting, need to fix dinner, have another incoming call, whatever,… and they disappear. This will, sadly, always be a problem with this lifestyle and we just have to put up with it, though passing on the names of such idiots might help for a short time.
I’ve heard complaints from both dominants and submissives of emails, messages and even phone calls going back and forth, and suddenly everything just comes to a screeching halt. Why? And before you go all bonkers over this, yes, it’s happened to me as well. Not sure why they couldn’t just say “I’m moving on and wish you well.”
Some dominants have asked me if this ever happened to me, and I just admitted it has. They ask why and I am never able to give them the answers and explanation they are seeking. If I can’t figure it out when it happened to me, I’m surely going to struggle to figure out why it happened to you. I don’t know what kind of exchanges or topics you shared between you, work related, family related, religious, sexual, your particular kink or fetishes, it could be a very long list of topics that the two of you shared and it could be any one or more of them that caused the other person to just up and leave.
But what amazes me even more is when a dominant does it! Now, no, I am not holding dominants to a higher standard, though honestly I should. As a dominant, you claim by right of that position or title that you are level headed, caring, loving and can act “responsibly’! Suddenly ghosting some poor submissive you just started talking with and getting to know is not what I would call responsible behavior. And if you do act that way, then the submissive will no doubt think ALL dominants act that way and I don’t want to be lumped in with all those fakes, idiots and wannabes!
So maybe as dominants we should be held to a higher standard. Is it truly so hard to simply tell the other person honestly, that you don’t wish to communicate with them anymore and give them a reason? At the very least tell them you don’t wish to talk to them anymore. Failing to tell them why leaves them open to speculating and questioning themselves in the dark about what they might have done or said to make you leave. By telling them the real reason behind not talking to them anymore, it can help them to fix what the problem is, if it is their own actions. If it isn’t their own actions or words, then they can move on knowing that they are not the problem and that it may have just been circumstances or timing.
Either way, we need to start treating people as we want to be treated. Start acting like the adults that we all are and not acting like the children we supposedly grew up from.
