I can't stand being so emotional.
I can't stand these hormones anymore... The postpartum depression and anxiety...
Feeling alone...
Wolfy has been gone a lot the past few days, for work and prior commitments, leaving me alone at home with the baby and my dad. My dad has been stressing me out a lot, and despite him being there, I feel even *more* alone for some reason. And our little one has a horrible time sleeping during the day... so I end up stressed and frustrated. I feel like I never get a break from him. Which would he fine if he wasnt so... inconsolable, which makes me feel like a failure of a mother.
I was looking forward to finally having him back all day tomorrow. Only having him leave for an hour or so. But now... it's looking like our plans for D&D are cancelled and I'm scared he's going to be gone all day again because of it.
I shouldn't feel this way. It shouldn't be so hard to be alone. I shouldn't feel like he needs to be home with me all the time. But the thought of another day "alone" has me wanting to cry backstage while I wait for his show to be over. I want to go with him tomorrow but I don't know if its smart or worth it, or fair...
God I hate being so emotional. I hate feeling like I'm breaking down. I'm supposed to be getting more control over myself, bettering myself, for him, for me, for our son... but I'm doing the opposite. I'm failing.
I want to ask for nothing to change tomorrow. Just an hour away. But I dunno if that's fair of me to ask.
I hate feeling stuck at home... like I can't have a life anymore or be a part of things.
I love my family. I love my son. I hate feeling so emotional.
I hate being scared. Selfish.
Weak...
