I want to get better. I dont /want/ to be depressed and hate myself all the time. I want to feel good in my own head and in my own body.
The topic popped up again last night - children. God, how badly I want kids. I constantly feel myself happier when my friend's two are around, especially when they want to be with me and I get to hold them, protect them.
But... I cant make the promise to love and protect something that depends on me, if I cant do that for myself.
The same goes for my husband... I cant truly take control and allow him to trust me and give over whatever control he wants to give.
I made the decision yesterday that we would go to the gym every morning, as our old routine was ruined by his PT happening during our usual gym time. This was the first morning we went.
I'm in so much pain right now. We both had to call it early because it's been so long that we have go get back into shape. I want to pass out.
But... I'm happy. I made a plan that we stuck to. A plan that will bring us closer to being comfortable with the question, "... Should I go off the pill?"
And that... makes me so excited.
