Sweet Deanies Insights

Villanelle​(staff) - I get your dominant's concern about wanting you to use your safe word. There's perhaps no bigger betrayal between a dominant and a submissive than when a submissive doesn't speak up and let's the dominant go too far, up to and including causing real harm all because the submissive didn't want to "break". This is a violation of the trust between you. I've been there and believe me, the sense of guilt and betrayal is overwhelming. Using your safeword is not a failure or a sign of weakness. It's a tool for communication so that your dominant can dominate you more effectively. In fact, many people (myself included) don't use safewords for the reasons listed above. A traffic light system is popular for some (red=stop, yellow=proceed with caution, green=go go go!). I like simple communication best. "How does this feel?" "Is this too much for you?" , etc. I've known too many submissives who view using a safeword as a failure and finally tried something else in my relationships.

I hope you don't mind me sharing my personal opinions after reading your post :)

SweetDeanie​(sub female){Collared} - Thank you, I will suggest a check in with him instead. I think this would help us both. It's not even that I consider it weak, I consider it a failure not to use it, I consider it as strength to be able to safe word. I was abused my whole life, I stopped being able to say no,, safe word replaces no, and I still don't feel like I can. I wish I could.