Unapologetic

Questions, thoughts and general mayhem from inside my head....

Someone once told me that I should share some of my thoughts and feelings on here. He said I would have fun and someone else might get something out of my crazy (very loosely translated).

Lesson Learned (the hard way of course)

7 months ago. August 28, 2024 at 10:14 PM

I met a "Dom" from here a couple of years ago. The man was attractive, had a voice that every woman dreams of and lord did he make me laugh.

We lived a plane ride away but due to covid we had to delay meeting in real life.

I loved talking to him. Talking to him was the highlight of my day. He really listened to me and it felt like he really saw me. Unfortunately, he wasn't as open with me about himself. Though to be fair there was one time that he told me some things about his family and I loved it. It was a peek into what made him the man he is.

When we did finally meet it felt like we were both a little lost and akward. The easy phone conversations and non stop laughter was no where to be found. I'm not really sure what happened. The confident Dom I talked to for months was gone.

Maybe I didn't measure up or maybe like he said "he told me everything already on the phone". Or maybe I just bored him.

All the things he told me he wanted to do with me when we saw each other turned out to be empty promises. Honestly, to this day I have no idea what happened. Shortly after seeing him he accused me of seeing someone else and stopped talking to me.

I tried to tell him I wasn't but in the end I just assumed it was his way of ending things with me.

It's been a couple of years and I realize now looking back without the cloud of pain that it was all smoke and mirrors on his part to hide a deeply insecure man.

If I could offer any advise it would be to always be yourself. Be vulnerable, open and honest and expect nothing less from your partner. If someone is playing games with your emotions then tell them it was nice to meet them and walk (run) away.

Susie Q{Daddy Ant} - I have been there. The person who showed up to meet was not who he was on the phone, but also I believe not truly a dominant. Electronic communication, even video and phone calls, allow people to be something they aren’t in real life.

7 months ago

SirWH(dom male) - It is the most common thing to happen to a submissive don't worry you are not alone in that experience

7 months ago

DelightfullyDominant(dom male) - I am sorry you had that experience. Controlling behavior comes from insecurity, while dominance comes from a place of strength. Meeting in person without expectation and verifying chemistry is always a good idea. While these mismatches do happen and it is not avoidable entirely, what’s unconscionable is the way things ended. Perfectly okay to say I enjoyed meeting and knowing you but I don’t feel the chemistry. Not okay to end the way it did. I am sure you will meet someone with whom you have chemistry in person soon.

7 months ago

TopekaDom(dom male) - Meeting is real life is a hard thing. We fall in love with a sound of voice and feelings we may be misinterpreting. It can be hard to make the shift, specially if one is not exactly truthful in one's experience or real time desires.

7 months ago

Sincorrigible(sub female) - There are a lot of men who talk the talk and actually haven't a clue how to behave like a normal person when you meet. Let alone behave 'like a dominant'. You are not alone. I've experienced this many times. I think real life ds and bdsm is totally different to online. Very few either side of the dynamic can do both. I've had fab real life dynamics with people who wouldn't get my attention online ???

7 months ago

Steellover(sub male) - I've noticed, too, that sometimes conversation flows better with some people better than with others. I've been with people who just aren't that good at conversation in person. They either don't like to open up, or they don't have much to talk about, and it becomes awkward trying to keep the conversation going, trying to think of stuff to say.
Or, simply you don't have much in common, many common interests. I had a friend; he liked bowling, and watching sports on TV, and wasn't that educated or knowledgable about much else. He wasn't interested in my talking about the local music scene, the local arts scene, places I'd been hiking, or any of my other hobbies- he thought it was as boring to him as his bowling league scores were to me. I don't think it was necessarily a mark of insecurity- it could be just two people who either don't share many common interests.

7 months ago

Truemasterkai - This is a good point. A lot of people have grown accustomed to communicating online and that sometimes comes at a trade off of in person social ability. Maybe he did have issues or wasn't what he claimed. But this is also a totally reasonable explanation.

Being close with someone online doesn't always mean you're close when you finally meet. Sometimes, the work to reach that point of communication needs to start over, so to speak. There are a lot of nuances to this and unless he eventually explained himself, I couldn't fairy write it off entirely as him just not being honest about who he was.

7 months ago

Unapologetic - I really appreciate all you're comments. It's always good to here different perspectives.

Thank you!

7 months ago

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