I have been thinking a lot lately, about who I am as a sub and what I want in a dom. It makes me wonder if the man I want is actually out there, or if I have too high of standards. Now... I haven't been doing any looking so of course he could be out there but I have doubts. Those doubts could also be tied to my self-worth (which is very very low).
Amyways, what do I want in a dom? (at least right now - I imagine the more I think about it the more I will discover) But right now, I know I want a dom who is protective, loving, romantic, patient, compassionate, empathetic, territorial, loyal. Seems pretty cliche I suppose.
Protective, in every sense of the word. I (obviously) need to feel safe. To put it in dramatic words... someone who would kill to protect me. (clearly not really... but you get the sentiment). Protective in the sense that they would ensure I could protect myself. Protective with my emotions as well.I struggle with mental health issues and do not want any of that used against me. I could go on.. but I'll move on.
Loving and romantic - I have actually been curious about this aspect. How do you keep love out of it? I have read that there are some dom/sub relationships out there that are not romantic. For me at least I don't see how that is possible. Because for me... a deep connection needs to be established for this type of relationship to be successful. Am I wrong? Don't want to anger people with my ignorance in regards to this but I am still learning, so please tell me.
Patient, because I am not an easy person. I have issues. I am aware of my issues. And I am aware that I will need someone patient to handle me. Not only because of my mental health but because I am new to this. I am still finding the sub inside of me and I don't want a dom who will get cruel because the part of me that has been burying my sub side has come to the surface. Does that make sense? Anyways, I have experienced that before and it makes me feel like... certain things.
Compassionate, empathetic... I say this because of my mental health again so I will not dive into this any further.
Territorial, because I like the idea of my dom not liking any other man with me, looking at me, hitting on me etc. It's just sexy. If he isn't territorial I feel like he wouldn't want me, because to me it's like he doesn't care.
Anyways, I feel as if I have rambled again. I want to edit and edit and edit the crap out of this to fit what I want to say but I am keeping this the way it is because I guess un-edited, it is.... me. Not terribly happy with this blog post because I got distracted while writing so I rushed near the end here but oh well. It is what it is.
-me
