He sent me two dozen long-stemmed, freshly cut lush deep red roses the day after we met.
He speaks to me in metaphor and story
He writes me lovely love notes.
Precious.
Pure.
He is a gentleman.
Daddy.
Dom.
His pace overwhelms me.
I am afraid.
I am not certain I can give him what he needs.
I need time to process.
To digest.
To comprehend.
I am new to this world.
I feel like a newborn baby giraffe trying to stand on wobbly shaking, newborn legs.
I want so much from life.
I feel like I have spent my life in recovery or taking care of others or defying impossible--and winning.
I simply want to feel alive.
I want to KNOW true passion and grace.
I want to be kissed in Paris and made love to in Rome.
I want to feel safe but free at the same time.
He is older.
Kind.
Patient.
Sexy and handsome.
But he wants so much so fast.
I need time to process.
To learn this life.
To learn me.
I walked away from him.
I walked toward me.
I have to set my own boundaries.
I have to know when I'm not ready.
I have to stand for myself instead of giving into his charming insistence to surrender to him.
I worry that I'm not a sub.
I'm not passive.
I am edgy and brilliant.
I'm independent and a boss.
But I'm lonely.
Soul lonely.
The kind of lonely where you Soul cries tears your eyes can’t shed.
Talking to him...
... reading his words... for a moment--
took away the lonely.
But he needs something I am not.
He texts me. Although I walked away from him.
He sends me beautiful word pictures that make my heart smile.
He sent me two dozen long-stemmed freshly cut lush deep red roses.
I look at the daily.
But I don't touch.
Touching them would be touching Him.
And I cannot be what he needs.
He is very kind.
I wish him love.
He is going to make the right sub very very happy.
I want that for him.
He deserves to have what he wants.
I'm just grateful to have known his favor.
Briefly.
