AbysFLife(sub female)

Learning to be Myself

Here is my journey -- from learning to suppress my personality and desires because of the circumstances and environment I grew up in-- to me learning to letting go of the bias, standing up on my own and learning in baby steps TO BE MYSELF... :)

Anyone giving free advice ?

5 years ago. February 9, 2019 at 6:31 PM

So, I screwed up. Any and all advices are welcome.

I was browsing through books on wattpad and found one with a great story, BDSM refrences and a mild rape/suicide trigger warning. I've read book like that before, so, I didn't pay it much mind and began reading.

After about 15 chapters I realised the story held more than a few resemblances to my life and I, unconsciously, related myself to the protagonist.

Trouble is, the parts with the triggers came, along with tons of resemblance and one of them being a trigger for me. I began crying mid story. Now, I'm not able to go back to being "normal".

I'm feeling extremely depressed and everything, even irrelevant stuff like a dramatic dance performance on TV, is making me cry uncontrollably. It's like there is a knot in my stomach and there is this nauseous feeling in my throat. I don't want to talk to friends or family. Don't want to share my triggers and I don't think they will understand either. There is this horrible empty feel and my chest hurts.

Please advice me anything that might work in making me feel better somehow. Please. I don't know who else to talk to about this.

Aby☃️

Satindragon - Aby, email me sweety. You didn't do anything wrong!

5 years ago

Satindragon - Like Fud said you got triggered hard and we just need to talk it out. You will be okay

5 years ago

SchrodingersDinosaur(switch female) - I'm here too, Abys. I occasionally will get inadvertently triggered too. It's not your fault, stop blaming yourself for reading the story. I mean it! First question I'd ask is were you able to finish the book? I've found for me that if I'm at all able to finish the story, movie, song, what have you, it's actually easier to process than just putting it aside (sometimes it is just too much to handle though). Second technique that is helpful for me is changing the ending. I've even physically written a new ending for a couple of stories that messed me up but at the very least I mentally go into the story and edit it. Doesn't have to be as dramatic as changing it from 'the man grabbed her, and threw her to the floor, and began to X' to 'the man grabbed her, and threw her to the floor, BUT BEFORE HE WAS ABLE TO X, SHE GRABBED HER PURSE, PULLED OUT HER PRETTY TIFFANY BLUE GLOCK AND SHOT HIM BETWEEN THE EYES...NOW HE WILL NEVER HURT ANYONE ELSE EVER AGAIN'... but have to admit, I've used that particular mental edit more than once...I also occasionally break out unknown ninja skills...but sometimes just the act of looking at what has triggered you as a story, something you can tweak it repair, can make the difference. It does have to control you, if you control it. Takes some practice but it gets easier. I'm here if you need help either with this technique or as someone who has been there to listen. - Henna

5 years ago

Satindragon - I was looking at a Ruger 380 yesterday. Nice feel

5 years ago

AbysFLife(sub female) - Thank you Henna. I did finish the story. I also gave myself a pat on the back for escaping better than the protagonist in real life. But I think a shot between the eyes wouldn't be such a bad idea. Thanks again !! I'm feeling much better...

5 years ago

AbysFLife(sub female) - Henna got praised too in my mails 😁☃️ thank you for being such great people that you are !!

5 years ago

Satindragon - You are welcome. In box is always open.

5 years ago

AbysFLife(sub female) - Much love guys ❤️☃️

5 years ago

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AbysFLife​(sub female)

Learning to be Myself

Anyone giving free advice ?

AbysFLife(sub female)