People might find this hard to believe (or maybe not) but I have a hell of a temper. Sometimes I can completely loose control. I also do not handle stress well, I can get moody, angry, depressed (I wont go into too much detail). However, although I am still sleeping badly, I am feeling much calmer at the moment. Last year and earlier this year I went through a lot of stress but, at least for the moment, that is all settled. Also I have a little money in the bank. Not a lot but I can afford the accessional take away, this and that. Books, CDs. Not that I'm loaded, but poverty is surprisingly stressful.
When I moved from London to Wiltshire a friend moved, at about the same time, to the same place. In some ways she is a really good friend but we fight a lot and nether of us like fighting and it got to a point when (I think) we both felt that it was not worth even trying to make up. For a while we did not speak at all but recently we started talking again. What I have started to see is that she is a vehicle for stress. She get stressed, about things that I can now see is unnecessary, she used to make me stressed (leaving other people out of it) and I feel so much better now that I am not involved in all that.
So I don't really go anywhere much, just to the shops, for walks around the block. I paint, I have little projects, things I need to do, ordinary things. I chat to other people why live in the building. I am "playing" with a sub girl, or I was. She has not messaged me for two days so I am wondering if she has dropped out, but she might just be having trouble with the last "task" that I gave her.
A lot of the time I am too tired to even leave the house, but I don't really feel stressed or angry, except maybe sometimes at five in the morning when I can not sleep. Politics, of cause, worries me, but I am more hopeful than you might think.
So, by my standards, I feel surprisingly relaxed, but then stress is out there, trying to find me. Maybe I am just on sabbatical from stress. Most of all though I wonder if the price of stresslesnes is isolation. Is it just some people who cause me stress or people in general (I would like to say present company accepted but not sure if I can) and don't get me wrong, I am sure that I am as much the cause of the unpleasantness as the victim of it. Sorry now I have forgotten my point. Ow year; somewhere out there, is there a group of people who can offer me basic companionship but, at the same time free of stress? and if there is, what would they think of me.
I have not really proof red this, so sorry if I have just written flibble seventy times. Also poor spelling etc (the word serch IS suffering from stress).
