My journey

The gift of submission is something I do not take lightly.    For me, it is taken very seriously.  As a sub, the protection from my Dom is very important.    It is like no other gift and is for me, only to given only to someone who is proud.   I will only share my vulnerabilities with one who is deserving.   I learn more each day through my journey Identifying as a submissive.  I have always known I was submissive, but started identifying just a couple of years ago. Over time, I have learned to trust my feelings.     Just some things I have been thinking about. 

There have been times over the last year or so when I have said to myself, no more.... I will just go back to the vanilla lifestyle completely because BDSM relationships just hurt more when they end.   I understand WHY they hurt more... But the pain is so intense when a relationship ends in this realm, that when it is occurring, you don't wish to go back there again.  I was recently in an informal online play situation, quickly after having broken up with my online Master.  People say having an online Master is not real, but for me it is very real and I take it seriously.    Anyway, the online play, as usual ended because I wasn't good enough.   I have talked to some Doms lately, as I feel it so difficult to get out of the lifestyle because it is what I desire and need.  Feel lost.   

In the search for the right Dom for me, I have come across hundreds of Men ... Some want to own you, some want pictures for a quick fix ,  and some want to degrade.  It has been my experience with the one prior Master, that a sub is supposed to obey and be protected.    I never realized that there could be so many differences in what one Master would prefer over another.   I never realized that making your sub feel like "less than" was a thing.   If so... Then maybe I shouldn't be here.   I want to please, obey, and serve.    I do not want to be degraded.   Wondering how other subs and Masters feel about this ...

Confused..... And frustrated