My journey

new life​(sub female) - I am feeling this so much right now. And I’m torn.... I’m not even sure what part of me was considering it but I know if I do I risk going through hell again if he hasn’t really changed as well as I think my walls with him are too high to consider it actually working out

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} - Totally understand where you're coming from. Personally, I have followed my heart for so long, I don't know any other way. But I have been using my mind a lot the last few weeks and shutting my heart off. So now it becomes and battle. And I can't decide which is the right thing to follow.

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} - It's like... Can't shut off your heart completely and you shouldn't but your mind will always be there too giving you facts and knowledge / memories.

new life​(sub female) - Yeah but my ex just showed his true self just now and it made up my mind in a heartbeat.... I spent 15 of the last 23 years being yelled at treated like crap..... he swore he’d changed but he hasn’t. I have been gone for 2 months... he was trying to change before too but it was too late for me.... I left the state for a month ruining my relationship with my kids and had to work on me and my depression and he just informed me because I have told him no all day today about seeing him because I was having a rough day... that he put his relationship on the line with the kids for ME because he finally told them the truth about how bad things were and how I got to that point

new life​(sub female) - Sorry that probably doesn’t make a lot of sense but tbh I’m frustrated and high

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} - It makes sense to me. I understand why you're frustrated. We wait around hoping for someone to change for an extended time period because we are holding onto hope, because we love them. We don't want to give up. We can go through a variety of emotions trying to process the situation, the what ifs, the why's. Just remember, you are allowed to go through sadness and hurt. I understand it has caused other stressors in your life. But please don't blame yourself for having feelings and emotions. I really hope things start to look up for you soon and your relationship with your kids strengthens again. Please also remember you have worth and value and you deserve to be treated as so. Please message me if you need someone to talk to. I'm around, off and on most days. 😊

Sensual City Girl{ForeverHIS} - My head is what leads me always and had never followed my heart until my journey. Why? Because when you follow your heart there are risks. I’m not a gambler or a risk taker, so if the risks were against me, even if I wasn’t sure, I would not take them because I’d go into self-preservation and guard my heart at all costs. It didn’t matter if the odds were slightly higher and it was a good thing. I was not taking that chance. Granted, I have gone against my gut and had to pay heavy prices for it, but some of I do not regret it because of what I gained out of it and what I learned.

However, when I found my Daddy, my heart screamed so loud that for the first time in my life I had to hear it and follow it. It was so strong and convicting despite knowing the risks, but at that point in my life and the circumstances, I was ready to take a risk knowing the odds but I was willing to take the chance. Fortunately, it has worked out in my favor. I’m still learning to listen to it and my head and heart at the start were always at war. At some point, they fell in sync and have found the balance. What I discovered was that depending on the situation, if it’s a fight or flight moment, my mind takes over, my armor is on, guard and walls up...it’s my natural defense mechanism. I do look at why and make the decision as to whether or not I need them. If ido, my is protected against, only towards the situation/circumstances/individual. Matters of the heart, the heart is ruling more over itself with some of the minds input, so long it’s rational. Going down the rabbit, not so much any more. I’m Still cautious and watch for any warning signs just in case. Will my heart ever rule over my mind, I don’t know. For now, I am following both and letting the heart lead when it screams.

Great blog. 🤗❤️

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} - You make a lot of good points. I think in life, I have mostly gone with my heart, and not my head and I'm really starting to think more with my head now and now caution comes into play. Maybe over caution at times because my head is trying to protect my heart. It's not always easy to know which to follow. There's always risk involved when you follow your heart.

It really sounds like you have found a good sense of balance between the two. I'm glad you are able to go with your heart now, and at the same time are cautious and watch for warning signs. I think that is the balance that is truly needed.

Thank you so much for your comment.

Sensual City Girl{ForeverHIS} - It’s taken time to get where I am at and A LOT of war between the heart and mind to be able to have that balance once you can find what it is for yourself. Another step to self growth that isn’t easy, but attainable if one is willing. 😉

sexycurves​(sub female) - I always follow my intuition. I guess that means my gut. There are times when I've ignored it because my heart was a bit too loud and it hasn't turned out well. So now, when my heart is loud, I step back and give myself time to listen before I decide. That's what I find hard, because it usually means saying no when I want to say yes.

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} - Exactly. You have to sometimes say no, even when you want to say yes and that is the difficult part. I continue to struggle with this. I continue to follow my heart. Again and again. It has led me good places, but then... A lot of times if I'm not listening to my gut too and let it take control sometimes, I get hurt. And many times repeating the same things again and again. Giving chance after chance,. It feels right, but I know... Sometimes in my mind they are only using me or going to wrong me.