A picture is worth a thousand words they say. So to recap the past two weeks...
A gift from my staff for Boss’s Day 🌺🌹
Lady Gaga concert in Vegas 🎤
Dinner at Hell’s Kitchen 🍽
My first self tie 🙈
Newest addition to my stuffie family; Rex 🦖
All ready for my Netflix date with Sir 🧸
=^.^=
I’m in Las Vegas for the first time this week for a conference. I get to stay at a very large, beautiful, and well known hotel on the strip. I spend my days in conference rooms listening to other pant suits talk about things that wouldn’t interest most people, but my evenings and nights are free to roam about and explore. It’s been amazing and mouth dropping but it makes me miss my Sir desperately. I can’t help but think about how different each experience would be if he were here with me.
Yesterday I went shopping in the mall in Caesars, this evening I had drinks at the Omnia, and in just a few minutes I’m going to head down to the casino and find myself at spot at one of the slot machines.
The food has been amazing. I’ve stuffed myself at a Vegas buffet, indulged in gourmet chocolates, splurged on room service, went to Carlos’s (Cake Boss), and more. Thursday my coworkers and I have reservations at Hells Kitchen and I have my eyes set on some crepes at a cafe for breakfast tomorrow.
Drinks are everywhere. Mimosas in the morning, cocktails with lunch, open bars and endless drinks in the casinos. There were people ordering martinis this morning at 6:30am while I was ordering a coffee. It’s crazy.
The outfits range from t-shirts and jeans to bikinis to tuxes and evening gowns to lingerie. I’ve seen couples of all ages, shapes, colors, and sizes. I often find myself staring at some couples and imagining what their dynamic is like. It’s a little game I like to play with myself.
I’m about to head down to the casino so wish me luck!
=^.^=
"Single,"
"In a Relationship,"
"Engaged,"
"Married,"
"Separated,"
"Divorced,"
"It's Complicated."
In the vanilla world, social media and dating apps are loaded with options to define your relationship status. Here in the kink world, the options are even more endless. Collared, training, online-only, D/s, M/s, 24/7, only in the bedroom, sadomasochistic, domestic, brat, switch, DDlg, primal, sensual, monogamous, polygamous, polyamorous, pansexual, and the list goes on and on and on. So often I get asked what type of dynamic Sir and I have. I always hesitate because, well, because "it's complicated".
Sir and I are 24/7, but we live in different states. We're long-distance, but we see each other every single weekend. We're D/s but our scenes tend to lean towards M/s roles. Our unstructured playtime is very primal, but we don't have primal personalities or a calling to run in the wild. I have little tendencies and sometimes will fall headfirst into little space, but Sir isn't a Daddy Dom - even though he does love my little side. I'm collared but our training is more of the 'on the job' kind rather than the prerequisite kind. Our play is sadomasochistic but also very sensual. See what I mean; complicated.
This weekend Sir took this picture during one of our scenes. He felt like the moment showed a large part of our dynamic in one snap of the camera.
Rope bondage, belt, stuffies, candlelight...
What you don't see pictured here are the red marks and stripes all over my bum, the mascara streaks on the white sheets... You don't see Sir's hands in my hair pulling my head back painfully nor can you hear his deep lulling voice telling me how good I did.
Was this scene a punishment or a reward?
It's complicated.
=^.^=
Another perfect weekend with my Sir. I’ve missed him terribly this week. A cancelled flight tried to stop him, but he made it to me anyway.
I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
'I want to fucking tear you apart'
I finally recovered from the drop following my weekend with Sir enough to write about it. In short - it was perfect.
As some of you may already know, Sir is a rigger and rope I'd say is his primary kink so it's incorporated into most aspects of our play. Whether it's primal play, intricately planned scenes, or simple bondage for impact play, rope is usually involved. I've grown to crave the feel of rope against my skin and I use the time Sir spends tying me to get into the right headspace for whatever type of scene that is about to unfold. I've become quite the rope bunny.
Being the inquisitive and analytical mind that he is, Sir has a constant thirst for learning. He's always seeking to learn more and expand his ever-growing closet of rope tricks. Being the masochistic and temerarious person that I am, I have a reckless desire to try the more extreme variations of rope play. So suspension is something that calls out to both of our personalities. We've played with suspension already, but we've to wanted to 'take it to the next level' so to speak. So on Saturday, Sir took me to an advanced rope/suspension class. Hence the gnarly rope burns on my sides in the picture above. The instructor walked us through a couple different rope scenes (a full suspension cartwheel and another full suspension flip/turn/upside down/rotate around thing). I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it was intense and it pushed all kinds of limits. But I completed both suspension scenes and Sir spent the rest of the weekend telling me how well I did, which made me feel like a rock star. I was also very very proud to be his during that class. He was clearly the lead pupil and more advanced rigger. His questions were direct and well-timed and he took the instruction and lessons and utilized them like a pro. If I wasn't so busy feeling like I was dying in the moment I would have been sure to tell him that haha.
Saturday evening was relaxing time. The endorphin drop after suspension scenes is real and I needed a nap. So Sir allowed me to sleep while he worked on some school work and then we cuddled, played, and watched tv the rest of the evening. It was really nice down-time that we both really needed after a long week.
Then on Sunday, we turned into ravenous fiends. I'm not sure if Sir was feeling Wolfie and his primal behavior made my body respond accordingly, or if I was reeking of desperate need and it made Sir's Wolf come out but either way we were both insatiable. After hours and hours of playtime and countless orgasms, Sir leaned me back against the shower wall and told me to pick where I wanted my final mark for the weekend. I nervously pointed at a spot about halfway up my inner thigh. He bent down and began rubbing and massaging all of my favorite places until I was squirming beneath his fingertips. When I was panting and needy, just the way he likes me, he sank his teeth into my thigh while he continued to work my body until I half moaned and half cried out my plea for permission to cum. He granted and I came undone. Normally, he'd release his bite when he got the response he wanted, but not this time. This time he bit harder and deeper until my moans melted into heaving sobs. He leaned back to admire his handy work for just a moment and then he stood and held me beneath the warm water and rubbed my back until I returned to reality.
As every weekend ends, I ripped my heart out of my chest and put it in his pocket for safekeeping before I reluctantly walked away from him once again to catch my flight.
=^.^=
Sir incorporates a lot of primal play into our sessions. Especially on Friday nights when the need for each other has been building the entire week and has reached its boiling point. This is when the Wolf comes out to play. I just took this picture which clearly displays one of last weeks marks (yes, there are several). I can’t wait to see what my Wolf will leave on my body tonight. 🖤
=^.^=
Every day I find myself half flourishing and half floundering in the “in between”. As a middle, I walk a squiggly line between moments of silly childlike playfulness and periods of being a responsible grown woman managing a family and career. More often than not, I’m both versions at the same time.
At the age of 30, I’m no longer an innocent girl but not yet a sophisticated woman. I’m somewhere in between.
In between just a fling and a ring
In between an apartment and a front porch swing
In between cheap and fancy, a guitar and a Grammy
In between reckless and responsibility
Sometimes I'm my mother's daughter
Sometimes I'm her friend
Sometimes I play grown up
And sometimes I play pretend
Sometimes I'm a princess dressed in all ribbons and all curls
And sometimes I just wanna scream "I'm not a little girl"
Dumb enough to think I know it all
Smart enough to know I don't
Young enough to think I'll live forever
Old enough to know I won't
In between
In between beer in a basement and a Napa Valley vacation
In between hometown and a neon city
In between underestimated and over-expectated
Who I was and who I'm gonna be
'Cause sometimes I'm my mother's daughter
Sometimes I'm her friend
Sometimes I play grown up
And sometimes I play pretend
Sometimes I'm a princess dressed in all ribbons and all curls
And sometimes I just wanna scream "I'm not a little girl"
Dumb enough to think I know it all
Smart enough to know I don't
Young enough to think I'll live forever
Old enough to know I won't
I know I won't
I'm half head up in the clouds
Half feet down on the ground
'Cause it ain't as simple
As a number, sitting on a page
When they say "act your age"
But you're stuck there in the middle
=^.^=
Sir surprised me this morning with the perfect gift! He got a drawing commissioned for us by our favorite Instagram artist. It’s perfect! Sir’s crazy hair, ropes, the belt, and kitten play 🖤💗
If you aren’t familiar with this artist I highly recommend checking him out. His drawings are primarily centered around a sadomasochistic DDlg relationship with heavy aspects of pet play. Every time he posts something new, Sir and I are like “that’s us!”
Thank you again Sir. I love it!
=^.^=
Waiting at the airport for the plane ✈️ that will take me home. “Home” for me is a person, not a place. 🖤
This weekend Sir is going to take me to the state fair, Squee! And my gal pal and her mate get to come too! We’re going to ride the rides and win prizes and eat junk food until our tummies ache! I am a very very very excited kitten.
=^.^=
Every relationship, vanilla or kink, has moments of discord no matter how much love exists or how strong the foundation is. If there are two (or more) living breathing human beings in any dynamic, there are going to be the occasional disagreements or hurt feelings.
More often than not, if both parties are fully invested and acting in love, these moments of friction are a result of misunderstanding between the parties rather than one person being at fault. ‘Communication is key’ we’ve all heard a thousand times over. But communication isn’t just talking; communication is body language and eye contact. Communication is physical interaction as much as it is use of words. You don’t realize how much you normally rely on those physical things, until you don’t have them.
This is a struggle in long-distance relationships. You’re relying solely on the written or spoken word to decipher the other person’s thoughts or intent. On the phone, you don’t have the ability to see their facial expressions when talking, and in text or email you don’t even have the benefit of hearing their tone. In order to balance the scales, you have to spend more time talking and elaborating to get your intended message across, and sometimes there just aren’t words to convey an emotion that could be conveyed with eye contact and the caress of a cheek.
This increased difficulty in LDR is actually two-fold. Not only is communication harder and therefore potentially leads to more misunderstandings; it’s also more difficult to correct those staticky situations and reinforce the bond from a distance. For example, a misinterpreted or misspoken statement would much sooner be corrected if I could climb up into Sir’s lap and put my hands on both of his cheeks and look him in the eyes with deep sincerity and say “I promise you, that’s not how I meant it, what I meant was (fill in the blank)” rather than a text that says “I promise that’s not what I meant”. And in turn, it’s much easier to move past a disagreement if Sir is there to hold me and stroke my hair and say “It’s ok, let’s just move past this” sealed with a sweet kiss on my lips, rather than a phone call that says “It’s ok, let’s just talk about something else now.”
The inability to use factors such as touch, eye contact, body language, and tone inflection to communicate makes it of the upmost importance to use your words to communicate. Speak up. Talk about your feelings. Share your concerns. Be quick to compliment and praise. Be mindful of your word choice. Use proper grammar (a misplaced comma can change the entire meaning of a statement). Be quick to apologize. Elaborate. Enunciate.
But what if you’re little? What if you’re shy? What if you have a past that taught you to be quiet, that submission is silence?
How do you find your voice? Where do you find your voice?
=^.^=