Roses are red, Bruises are blue

The Number one Sir​(dom male) - The answer is communication; if it isn't brought up it just brings long term problems. Speak up, communicate. Its key...

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} - My fear with speaking up isn’t the actual conversation, it’s that Id rather deal with the feelings of jealousy and insecurity than to speak up and feel like my voiced feelings and concerns were discarded.

bellalunasubb​(sub female) - I feel the same way! I struggle a lot with insecurities and everytime i voice them its like its taken so lightly....its like he dosent understand that it ruins my day and constantly is raking my mind and thoughts....

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} - Communication is important. Personally if your not being heard theres more going on. A healthy relationship people will be heard. Its on both sides of the slash to speak and listen without judgement.

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} - Communication is key to the entire relationship. This is the cornerstone to my Dom's and my relationship and we would be nowhere without it. I can ask him anything and of course the same with him. It is respect and honesty towards the value of the relationship. This response is from both my Dom and I as we are talking on the phone now.
DonDomforher and Grey Eyes

Bunnie - “I guess what I’m asking is - if the sub is feeling jealous and insecure, should she speak up or just trust her owner and suck it up? If she does speak up - is the Dom responsible for more than just reassuring her or should he have to change the situation that’s causing the negative feelings so it doesn’t continue to fester?”

Yes... it’s definitely about trusting him. However, I see it as being about trusting him enough to speak up and share how one is feeling.
To be able to make decisions that are in her/their best interests, he needs all of the information.

As scary as that is, especially because no one wants to add the feeling of being “that” person to their already insecure feelings, I have come to see it simply as a natural part of our growth in these things. It’s everyone’s responsibility to put in the effort and work to maintain the beautiful foundation you’ve built together. Everything always needs ongoing maintenance.

As much as reassurance is valuable, what I have found most valuable for me is being able to feel safe enough to go to him and discuss how I’m feeling without it turning into anything other than a discussion. We both know I don’t want to feel that way in the moment... and we both know it’s coming from a trigger. I much prefer to take a proactive approach to finding *why* I’m feeling what I’m feeling from an *internal* perspective, rather than *external* (pointing the finger... “he’s making me insecure because he’s talking to someone else”.... “she’s interfering in our relationship” etc etc) perspective.

I believe it’s a great time to look at many aspects... but that’s just me lol. In all honesty, my future will be in a household where I will not be the only female, so although this is an area where I have done a lot of work... it may not be in the way/mindset that you’re seeking. My goal is to remove the concept of “possessiveness” (which I do see as being directly connected with jealousy, albeit in a more superficial sense), all together... which isn’t really conducive to monogamous relationships as I do understand that many in those roles prefer to have that.

For me personally, jealousy stems from a fear of being abandoned. It really triggers my desire to be enough... or the feeling of not being enough. It challenges my trust in him and in his word.

I have had this discussion over and over and over and over again. And I’m sure we will have it many more times to come. What has shifted in all these conversations, you might wonder? It’s no longer as scary. It’s no longer as big a deal as it once was. It’s no longer a big scary monster that I’m trying desperately to shove back under my bed. It’s my vulnerability. My heart. My love. It’s me having to go and say to him “I’m scared of losing you, because you are my world.” It’s also learning to understand and accept that no amount of anything allows me to control life.

My advice... find your internal demons and learn to love them. Listen to what they’re saying... there’s as much wisdom there as you’ll find anywhere. Look past the fear. You’ll find her :) give her a voice (perhaps finally). Then share with him that voice. Let him love and nurture that voice. And then simply observe your external and see if any shifts occur. If not... dig deeper... and repeat.

cerulean​(switch female) - You should absolutely communicate your insecurities and discomforts. That shows trust, not a lack of it. And it builds it too. Feelings hold a greater destructive power when we hold them in, asking questions such as "who is responsible/to blame". Something happens or is happening in life and we feel. Those feelings and our perspective are colored and shaped by our experience and internal selves. As such they may spring from irrational thinking - by which I mean thoughts that are inaccurate and damaging to one's self and one's relationships. Calm, acknowledgement and trustful sharing of feelings and negative reactions (not blame casting) helps remove the power those emotions and thoughts have to drive wedges in a relationship.

Even in D/s, responsibility lies with both parties to respect, acknowledge and consider both parties feelings. It's a power exchange, but it is based on open communication. Emotional concerns are no different from physical concerns in a scene and should be negotiated with the same care. The Dom takes responsibility for the care and safety of a sub, physically and emotionally, but the sub remains responsible for speaking up when they have a concern, otherwise how is the Dom to know they are giving proper care? Any relationship is an ongoing negotiation that requires continued open communication to thrive.