Tali’s Rants and What nots

My brain has been running rampant lately. From things that have triggered me to the talk I went to this past week. Submission has been on my mind how I give it away to those around me. Not only that meeting someone who was set collared. Being able to ask them questions about it. Come to find out so many have done it, or considered it. I am not alone there.

The thing with submission is it’s different for everyone. As we say in our primal 101 class “your primal isn’t necessarily my primal and that’s ok” That applies here too with submission. I mean think about it a second. If we all acted the same in the lifestyle, it wouldn’t be any fun now would it?

Some submissives love to do acts of service for their Dom. I know for me it’s not my love language. I love to make sure they have their cup of coffee in the morning if that is what they like. Made just the way they like it. Even if it’s made in a French press and I absolutely hate making it that way. It’s me doing the dishes that day because he didn’t do them after a long day. Even though he enjoys doing them. For me, it was doing those little things that matter the most. The things I could do in and outside this lifestyle. A way I could still submit to him and have no one know.

I never grew up with chores. I never had them. I never learned how to set a table. I didn’t know how to “serve” the men in the house. It was never a role in my house for women. We all took it upon ourselves to do our own thing. We did the dishes, washed the clothes, attended the garden, etc. While the men attend the yard, the trash, and any other handyman stuff.

When I became a submissive and started to learn these things. I learned at how good at times it felt to do these things. To set the table with his fave beverage already made for him. I would do dishes or we both attended to them. For me it made me feel good having him help me. He knew having the help in the house was huge for me. Taking out the trash, putting away dishes, etc. He knew at the end of the day my submission would be even fuller than it was.

I learned the power of kneeling. I learned what it felt like to kneel in front of someone and give up that control. I trained myself to kneel longer and longer. It was something I couldn’t do with my knee injuries over the years. It was me waiting at home naked while he walked in the door from work when he least expected it. He knew those things were hard for me. It also meant I was giving up apart of me in those moments.

I learned to follow rules. Ok, mostly follow rules. Even now the one rule I keep the most is my bedtime. I try and be in bed by 11pm. It’s a rule I have had since 2017. It’s a rule I still try to abide by. Why? It makes me feel good knowing I have it. It’s some form of structure I have. Even if I am unowned.

I saw someone wear a collar recently. I was asking them about it. They told me they are self collared. What I liked about it was they took it off and presented it to the Dom they were playing with and then took it back after their time was over. Reclaiming who they are. I had someone tell me about them doing it while they worked through therapy. Honestly for sometime now I have thought about that. Something to ward off Doms until I am ready. Even though I don’t mind playing with a couple of people.

Submission is a gift we give our Doms. Just as much as it’s a gift for Doms to give us their Dominance. The power exchange that happens can be very powerful. Especially with the right person.

I would never want to give that up. I have worked hard to be the submissive I am today. The few Doms who have watched me grow. I hope I have made them proud. If I haven’t, I’d love to change that. Being a submissive is and always will be apart of me.
 

A friend of mine recently lost their submissive. I don’t know all the details. All I know is she handed him his collar back. When I heard this from him, my heart broke into a million pieces. The pain of what I went through just a couple years ago came rushing back. All I wanted to do was hug him. 

In my case I was the submissive who lost their collar. My Dom at the time had a lot of personal issues going on and asked for my collar back. Yet, I was allowed to keep my protection collar. I remember the feeling of loss. I remember feeling like I lost everything in a matter of moments. 

When getting or giving a collar you never think about ever getting it back. The bond the bond that forms is indescribable. You feel safe, loved, cared for. You may feel like you have done an amazing job with your sub. You have overwhelming pride for them. You look upon them wearing the collar and probably think “I’m so glad they are mine”. For a submissive you probably think “I am his to please”

No matter how you view the collar, the feelings are the same. As I have talked with my friend about this recently, I have just wanted to cry. That pain I felt has creeped back in. Even knowing I am better off, the pain has been beyond real. For the first time in my life I knew what a broken heart was. 

I lost my collar in December of 2019. Here it is in 2021 almost 2022, the pain still exists. The pain eases some but I remember the day.  I remember the day laying my collar and my promise ring in his table. My heart still aches. Not for him, but to be a submissive of someone’s someday. 

Now, I have thought about accepting another collar if the time were to every come around. Honestly, I don’t know if I would. I don’t know if I would want to go through that pain again if it were to fail. I miss my collar daily and wish I had it on. I have thought about wearing my protection collar I had. I have not made it that far. 

I have thought about self collaring until I found the right Dom. Being a submissive is so much more than a collar. At times it makes me feel like a submissive. I don’t even know how to describe what I mean by that. I know at the end of the day, only I can feel a certain way. 

I talked with a friend this morning about a mutual friend of ours. I realized for the first time I said something out loud that I had never really expressed. “Yes, I have a crush on them.” My friend enjoyed spending time with this person. I couldn’t be more than happier for her. At the same time a hint of jealousy came swooping in.

I met this person in 2019 at a local event. There was just something about him. I just started to crush hard on him. He was beyond nice to me and so caring. He was cute on top of that. How could I not like him?

When my Dom and I broke up he was there for me as a friend should. Along with my other friends. He has always been there when I needed a friend. He still is there for me. Would he still be there if he knew I had a crush on him?

When my friend told me what a wonderful time she had at this event with him. I was happy. Then I just wished to a point it was me. When my friend asked how I felt about him, I told her. I also stated I knew nothing would ever happen.

For starters I am monogamous and he is poly. That is the biggest difference right there. Don’t think I haven’t thought about poly. Some of his likes are different from mine. They wouldn’t always mesh. Who says opposites don’t attract right?

You may be thinking why don’t I just tell him? I have made side comments as “I don’t like you like that” after he had shared some of his feelings towards me. The thing is, I am crushing on him and hard. I know deep down it would never work. It doesn’t mean I can’t have a crush on this person. Right?!?

There is 12 wonderful fragrances. I have been able to smell Sexy Beach, Jasmine, Leather, Witches Rub, Campfire Sex/BootBlack, Smokers Vest and Dragons Blood. I have to say whoever came up with with these names is awesome. The smells are even better.

They are made with fractionated coconut oil, soy, and beeswax oils. It can be used as a lubricant due to the fractionated coconut oil from what I was reading.

The Sexy Beach’s color reminds me of a beach on a sunny day. I think of the coast of the Florida. Weird for me, I know.

Jasmine - is a purplish color and has milder smell to me. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the smell of that one.

Leather - is extremely mild. I could smell it. Others around me had trouble smelling it. I didn’t have it lit. That may have made a difference to them. I found it to smell like a brand new leather belt. I normally hate the smell of the leather. I think because of my love for belts I loved this one a little to much.

Dragons Blood - is a strong fragrance. It’s a reddish orange color. I can’t quit put my finger on the actual smell. I enjoyed it. It’s the first time I believe I have smelled Dragons Blood.

I got a chance to use the massage candles. I ended up choosing leather for my first one. You can feel the smoothness of the wax before you even burn it. Which I found personally nice.

Once you light it, as any new candle it takes a moment to burn. I found it to burn even. After I got an amount I was happy with I pour it on my skin. The wax was a little cooler than normal wax play. Maybe I’m just a masochist. 😂 I was able to rub it really easy. Way more easily than I expected.

The only issue I found was when I didn’t rub it in all the way it got caught in my arm arm. That is such a small thing. Nothing negative about the product. That is just tester error lol.

I have had it sit on my arm awhile. I can still smell it well after 30 minutes later. That I am way impressed with. The softness of my skin afterwards is nice.

I have to say DyeAddictRope made one hell of product here. For those who want more of a sensation type of play. This will cover it. You have the heat from the wax and the oils for the massage.

Well done!!!! I can’t wait to get more and try more of these

Yup, that’s right review time. So, I got ahold of Ruby Red from DyeAddict. When I got this in the mail I was like umm. Ok. I love wax play so, let’s give this a shot. I looked at the candle. I thought it weird at first to be in plastic wrap. It sorta made since so it didn’t damage the other contents in the box. I noticed the wick was off to the side. That to me was very weird. I thought DA made a mistake when he made the candle. Hey, human error, right?!?

Wrong!!! I lit the candle and at first it was just burning this nice ember color and slowly burning. I was like this isn’t going anywhere. I relit it and the flame took off. Awesome sauce, time to wait. I was keeping an eye on it while I grabbed my wooden knife. I noticed rather quickly the wax was going to the side. Ok ok this is to be expected.

First pour..
*crickets*......
*drip*...
Hey, that’s not where I poured.
I did it again.. The same thing happened. I realized that the wax was slowly dripping to the bottom and falling down that way. Then I looked up to the flame and had a constant stream of wax.

Wait a second!!! This is nuts. I had never had this happen before. DA actually designed his candles this way. So, when they were lit they would pour just like this. So you would have this constant pour. I can’t tell you how many times with a pillar my wick would go out. It’s a pain. This was like genius. So I did a few more drops to make sure my area on my leg was covered.

Now, clean up. I let it sit a minute on my leg before I cleaned up. I noticed it felt good. It didn’t feel weird on my leg or anything like that. I tried at first to peel off with my hands. Not super easy. It can be done. It will take a little effort and time. I could do it. It did come off decently. I took my wooden knife to finish the job. It came off great. A lot easier than expected. I even got some on my sheets.. oops!!! There is a small stain but I was able to get it off.

Overall, DA has a great candle going here. To me, it’s worth the money. It’s about $15 for the non jar candles. It’s about $17 for the jar candles. Remember you get what you pay for. He has some descent rope too..

Kudos DyeAddictRope.