I found this site. I am starting to reach out to people....I am hungry to be a sub....with an experienced Dom. In life I am rebellious, question everything, strong, business minded and very creative.
Often people find me intimidating - which astounds me. I am kind and loving. However I have realized why most people misconceive/misunderstand me. After after a lifetime of abuse (my earliest memory) I chose as a child I had to become a survivor -almost out of pure rage, in spite of the repeated abuse, from incest to a gang rape. I never wanted pity, but to conquer life as it came at me. Even if it required faking it until I made it.
I consider myself someone who is strong, and seeks to be healthy spiritually and mentally - all things considered LOL. However with all the help I have sought out, I have built a wall. A toxic wall that keeps me from showing vulnerability. To be truly strong, I can't fear my vulnerability. Lastly, I believe there is a healing in BDSM that can only be experienced through these relationships - intimate, in a way no doctor or priest can give.
My wall is so artfully constructed sometimes I wonder if anyone can get in. I hope so. That is why I am looking to be a Sub. I need the right Dom, I need a powerful connection. This isn't a fetish for me or and experience I seek out of morbid curiosity. I don't want my experience to result in a bad cliche' about this lifestyle.
If I were to tell anyone who knows me that I am seriously looking for a Sub lifestyle, they would laugh and say, "You a SUB? Good LUCK with that. I pity your Dom".
I want my vulnerability back. And I want to burn the shame I carry about my sexuality, and stop being seen as an "Ice Queen".
