It's tough being a plus sized woman in this world. When I see a plus sized women on screen or in real life, I'll sometimes turn to my SO and ask "Does she look like me?". I know first hand how representation matters, so when people in minority communities start talking about it, it is very real to me. I totally understand. Because what do I look like? Since most of society ignores me when I'm out (thankfully), I have no feedback. I think I'm pretty, cute, acceptable. But that's all I can get. So, again, when I see someone that I think looks like me, I have to ask, if that's how my SO sees me. It's oddly...unbalancing to never see yourself in social media.
You feel like a vampire, a monster that is never allowed a reflection. Never knowing what others see. Last night, though, my sweetie leaned into me and told me about fantasizing about me at work (yay!!!). He told me he saw Lizzo's performance, and said that's what I looked like to him (other than skin color as I'm fluorescent white). I can't describe how happy this made me.
It made me think about how amazing Lizzo is, how unapologetic. She's beautiful, and she dares you to face it. It's not 'confident for her size', it's not 'she has such a pretty face for a fat girl'. She is gorgeous. Not in spite of being fat. Because she is fat, maybe. Because she just is beautiful. Her fat is an undeniable part of her, as essential as her spirit and her drop-dead beauty.
It made me think about how thankful I am for Lizzo. How thankful I am that she did the work of loving herself, so I and others like me can see themselves in her.
I don' t have any kind of conclusion, just thankfulness for all the plus-size advocates that have helped me love myself, and how unspeakably important they are.
