I hid in the shadows of the vanilla world for a long time before ever even having the courage to explore BDSM. It was something I can remember having an interest in the BDSM world from the early age of 13, but was too scared to explore. I don’t know if I was scared of judgement from the world, scared of the power of a Dom in response to my bratty behavior, or scared to accept my submissive side when I have always been an independent woman. But I stayed hidden in the vanilla world for 13 years….till life events made me realize I deserved to explore anything that made me happy.
My fear led me to spend a few weeks in the online world, but being the brat I am, I didn’t find myself truly submitting, truly being controlled. There is only so much a Dom can do to me through a computer screen and I am a brat who needs a firm hand. I love submitting but let’s just say I need that extra push. So finally, with fear in one hand and desire in another I jumped into IRL and that’s when I met my Daddy. We have only just begun our relationship and already I am over the moon about our connection. Yesterday was my first true punishment. Let’s just say for the whole day I was bratty…assuming Daddy had to be at work and couldn’t come see me. I was wrong.
It was one of the most painful and euphoric moments of my life. Each hit filled me with a need I had never had met. The feeling of wanting the pain to stop, wanting to escape, but choosing to submit because I knew I deserved to be punished---it was amazing. And each hit, each sting, didn’t feel like punishment, but care. That my Daddy was doing what he had to do to make me a better woman, a better sub, a better human being.
When Daddy held me afterwards I felt true care, true compassion. Deeper connection that I had ever felt in the vanilla world. I felt like Daddy didn’t punish me, but corrected me. Tried to build me into the best version of myself. And sometimes that takes pain. Just like training for a marathon…sometimes you have to feel the pain of training to reach the gold. And right now I feel like he is my gold and I have to train to be the best I can for him.
Jumping into real life BDSM was the scariest jump I ever took. Taking my punishment yesterday was hard. But in the end, both decisions were the best decision I ever made, because for the first time in a long time I felt someone truly cared about me. My worries about what my body look like faded. My desire to brat faded. Because here in Daddy’s arms, I was home. And this morning when I looked in the mirror and saw his marks still on me I smiled, knowing I’m his.
