I have never felt so deeply for a Dom as I do for the one who now calls me his. It is the same feeling I had with my first Dom before he ruined my trust in any Dom. No…any man. But this Dom. My Dom. He has stolen my heart. Well His heart now. I didn’t realize it until today when I looked at eternity collars.
Eternity collars scared me when I entered the community. The idea of having no control. Not ever being able to take it off scared me. A brat like me wants to hold onto that little bit of control that I could act out when I wanted. The idea of fully submitting. Of wearing a symbol of his ownership as long as he says, it scared me. But now. Now I beg for it. Crave it. Kneel for it. I must have it.
I want to have His grasp around my neck. I want to have Him with me every day, every moment, no matter what. I want to remember His control. His rules. His grip. I want Him to own all of me. Forever.
I honestly cried thinking about the day the metal would close around me and I would truly feel like His. When my training would be over and I will have known the pain, the discipline, the waiting brought me to that moment. Kneeling. Waiting on my Sir to grasp my neck forever. I yearn for the day. I want to be broken. Shattered. And made whole by Him.
It is crazy because it’s like a switch in my head went off. I no longer want to say no. I no longer want to fight. I want to kneel in obedience. Give my body in obedience. Respect every command. Every word. Every order. And do nothing but say “Yes Sir.” No matter the pain. No matter the fear. No matter the worry, the answer will always be “Yes Sir.” Oh I can’t wait. And I will work hard. This is my hearts desire.