Master and the Sub

As I sit here in front of the computer, bourbon coursing through my body just so I can sleep 6 hours without pain or nightmares I ponder why I exist on the planet? As I have told a few friends I have been at death's doorstep many times and by all count's of physics should be dead and a past memory for anyone who has known me. I have been told I have a purpose to fulfill but for the life of me after all the hell I have endured in this life why or what is so important to make me suffer everyday, alone and no one to talk to about the thoughts and fears that consume me on most days. I have not a brother anymore, my friends have there own lives, and I can't talk with my parents about the things that concern me, alone I must face the day. I have hope in part of me and a demon that pulls at me to leave this place, I only hope to win the battle against him. My battle goes on everyday, for as long as I have walked this wonderful world, someday I hope to find the happiness i have seek all my life or at least feel that my life has been worth something to someone. As the song says do you ever feel wanted, do you ever feel needed,do you ever feel happy or are you just like me. Hanging by a thread, a rope a noose around my neck cause every time I fall in love, love falls out of me.

This road I travel has not always been my choice, as a child sitting in the backseat while someone else picks the destination for you.Some of those roads were hard, painful and have left a lasting impression that not only have shaped the person I am but have also caused the nightmares of my sleep. When I was old enough to drive I picked carefree roads, roads with curves and danger, never thinking about what was at the end, just feeling free. As I got older  life caused me to pick the safe roads,ones where the scenery never seemed to change much, roads that always lead back to the same place, an unhappy place, one that ended in a detour I was not expecting and didn't see coming. I was forced to pick a new road to travel, this road is long, quiet,and the only cars I can see are in the distance seeming to fade out of site. As I travel this road,  I wonder will I find that companion to fill the front seat again, windows down, music playing, not a word spoken just enjoying the road the feel of happiness, waiting to see where this road takes us,

Only being on here a short time I have made many wonderful friends all with kind words and the same problems we all seem to have. Which is good it shows were all human and life is better with friends. What I have also gather from some conversations and it being posted on profiles is how many Dom's think you can just start demanding someone to be your submissive. My past Sub was already train to a degree, but we spent long conversations about many topics and went back to have talks about more things before it was agreed by both sides what we both enjoyed from the relationship. I do know there are those that want and enjoy that kind of arrangement but please have the curtsy to ask first before assuming every sub is the same. Just my opinion I'm sure some will have different thought's these are just mine.

Had to mow yesterday, so today I got my toy all waxed and shined up. Next up is my lovely other one. She has been around a long time and is very devoted to my wishes, Will post pics when I get her done.

I highly recommend watching the happy time murders. Who could have known Jim Henson's son Brian was a Pervert. R rated not for the kids. Watch the extra's/

Master would like to thank everyone for the great words of encouragement.Master has spent the last few days keeping busy so as not to have time to think about certain things. Next project wax my toy.

Ever since I was kid I was always a lucky person, used to find money, win contest, little things nothing ever big but it seemed I had luck. Hell I've been to death's door step a few times, a few friends here know one of those stories. I wonder when I ever do stand at his doorstep if he will not answer the door leaving me to walk in limbo alone. Since 2007 it seems if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't  have any at all. Don't misunderstand I'm an optimistic person but on the days darkness stands over me like a tree blocking out the sun. telling me I should just quit looking for that one person that would make my soul happy It's  hard to walk into the sunlight to get him off my back. I see all the people I know living happy lives, people that have crushed my dreams of happiness living well and I feel I'll be walking though this hell  never finding the exit. Is it true oh be patient the one will come or am I just grasping for an illusion. As my time goes by and since the fountain of youth or time machines are a dream, I wonder if he is right and I will walk through this life always wondering what love is. As I look in the mirror I say smile for tomorrow is another day to hope.

Master ordered me to assume the position, I walked to the bedroom stripped of my clothes except my panties and waited. As I stood there thinking about how master had made dinner and was cleaning up while I stood there breast hanging down, holding the bed I thought about how good a master I had. Master always looked out for me and made me feel loved, master always used me in a way I always wanted , he could be rough or gentle just depended on his mood. I loved felling his enthusiasm every time I was given a command  I could hear master coming down the hallway entering the bedroom, master shut the door.I heard master get into the toy drawer, then felt the blindfold being tied on I felt the collar being placed around my neck and master holding the chain. Master lead me over to the chair, made me kneel in front of him.Master said suck my cock my beautiful sub, I took his cock in my mouth and starting sucking on master's cock. I felt the pull of the chain master held and started to get wet, I loved serving on my knees for my master. I could tell master was enjoying his cock sucking by the way he breathed I was enjoying knowing how happy he was. Master then said slow my sub, master want's  to enjoy his sub for a long time. I slowed down as master had instructed, master pulled on the chain and I could feel it tug a little, master ran his hand through my hair as he pushed my head down on his cock I heard master say take it all. I took all of master in and heard him moan which made me even more wet. I wanted him to cum in my mouth so bad, master pulled the chain a little more and he said does my sub deserve to have master's cum? I stopped just long enough to say yes please master. Master pushed my head back down on his cock, I kept sucking master's cock until I heard him say enjoy every drop my beautiful sub. I took every drop and made sure master's cock was clean. Master took off the blindfold, removed the collar and leaned down kissed me and said master loves his beautiful sub. Master left the room, I sat there for a minute thinking how much I loved serving master and how lucky I was to find a good master that took care of his sub.

Master instructed me to go to the bedroom and sit on the bench naked. I quickly walked to the bedroom removed all my clothes and sat down, master has a big bedroom, a queen size bed, a dresser with a drawer for his toys to use on me, a chair where he sits and admires his sub and a wooden bench at the end of the bed. I had no idea what master had planned, he didn't give the usual command of assume the position.this made me a little nervous and excited because I liked when master came up with something new. The door opened and master came in looked at me and said stand up my beautiful sub, master walked over to the closet and got something, he turned around and was holding a long piece of rope. Master stood in front of me with a very happy look on his face, master moved me away from the bench and started placing the rope around my body, over my shoulders around my tits, when master was finished my tits had been tied tight causing some pain and pleasure at the same time. As I stood there master went back in the closet and produced two pieces of rope with what  looked like  hooks on the end this made me a little more nervous but master attached the two pieces of rope to  the ceiling I didn't notice the round eyelets in the ceiling before. Master moved me closer to the chair and the ropes, master instructed me to raise my arms, master then tied the rope around my wrist so I was standing with my arms up above my head. I stood there naked, tit's tied, both wrist tied and arms above my head as master sat in the chair in front of me.Master loved to admire his sub, I took great pride in knowing master was happy with his sub, I could see it in his eye's and his smile. Master sat for awhile before getting up, he went to the dresser to get something, master placed the blindfold over my eye's and tied it. As I stood there blindfolded tied to the ceiling with my tit's tied I wondered what was next but also how much I loved having  master use me, how he treated me, got great satisfaction from using me for his pleasure. I could feel the crop slide across my ass and knew what would come next and it did, felt the sting of the crop across my ass cheek and felt the wetness of my pussy. After a few more of these I felt master's hand grab my left tit and start pinching my nipple this made me even more wet, just then I felt it, master was sliding the glass cock into my overly wet pussy. Master started with just the tip then I could feel every inch going deeper, master knew how to get me excited. Master started fucking me with the glass cock all the while pinching my nipple the pain and the pleasure was almost to much I want to cum. Master continued this for what seemed like forever but I was so excited, then master said it the words I was waiting so badly for, cum for me my sub. I  Immediately  came I could feel my legs shake then heard master say you made the floor wet, master is very happy with his sub. This made me a little more excited  then master inserted his cock, oh how I loved it, master's cock was always so hard, and master knew how to use it.  Master grabbed both my hips and fucked my already wet pussy hard and long, with me holding the ropes i could feel master using me for his satisfaction and this made me happy, then I felt a smack on my ass and the words cum for your master which I did with pleasure. Master then came I could feel him cum  deep inside me  master leaned close to me whispered I love my sub. Master left and as I stood there tied up and slightly exhausted I thought about how happy I was to have a master that loved to use his sub.

I know Master is supposed to be a strong, fearless, brave, but what does master do when he's missing a piece of his life that made him a master? Is master supposed to have feeling's or suppress his feeling like he was taught all his life? Master is in a dark place, wanting to know what to do if he never find's his perfect sub. Is there life or enjoyment living a vanilla life? Master want's a loyal sub to love and cherish is this just a fantasy or is it possible in this life and world we live in? More questions with little answers.