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There's many things you can do to be more attractive: exercise and fitness, clothing and fashion, straighter and whiter teeth, learn a new skill.
All of these take time and all of them are external. But the most important trait of attractive people is internal, and applies anytime, anywhere.
I've been through more breakups than I care to admit. Some were because one of us made a mistake, others because it was just a bad fit and we just wanted different things.
I didn't always learn from my mistakes and in hindsight I can see how I repeated many of them. My worst offense as a younger guy was being a bad listener when it came to things I needed to change. Oh, I've always been a good listener when it comes to helping someone or letting them vent, but when it came to feedback for me I would often get defensive instead of seeing an opportunity to grow.
To compound this, I would put up with or even pursue relationships that were bad for me. I stayed too long and would downplay red flags in my own mind.
Now, when it comes to dynamics I run toward red flags. When I come across a red or even a yellow flag, I gently bring it to the person I'm exploring a dynamic with. If they respond well and we are able to handle the problem together then I see that as a sign that the dynamic has a lot of potential. Because it's not *if* flags will come up, but simply *when*. Whether you can deal with those flags in a healthy way is what will define how successful your dynamic.
And that's the trick to being more attractive: learn from your mistakes. Learn from what your partner is saying, learn from every breakup.
You do of course need to filter feedback. Often what people are telling you is not the whole truth. Other times they have not pointed out the right issue— in these cases there's probably still an opportunity to grow, it's simply not what they are saying it is.
This happened to me recently. Someone terminated an early dynamic exploration with a confusing explanation. It took time for me to figure out that when I become very bad at texting when I am exhausted, especially for someone who doesn't know me well. I'm thankful for the experience because I learned something incredibly valuable.
I'm also thankful that we hadn't been exploring long. In business practices there's an idea of "failing fast." Meaning, if something is not going to work I'd rather know tomorrow than after I've invested a million dollars. Dynamics are not a business, but failing is an important step to learning. Many on this site seem to be waiting for the perfect dynamic to come along, but most successful relationships take several failures (four according to the latest article I read). Exploring dynamics is a way to learn what works and doesn't work for you, and if you can do this quickly all the better.
Learning from mistakes and feedback isn't easy. For many it's one of the hardest things in life. But when you do it opens up many avenues for you. It's a starting place to improve many things that will help people to find you more attractive in any context.
