You will hate yoga for the first year. This is what I tell everyone who decides they want to try it. Why do I tell them this? Because it’s the truth. There are no quick fixes with yoga. There is no adrenaline rush. There is a little dopamine hit… but nothing like compared to running or gym or something like CrossFit.
It will make you feel awkward, clumsy, uncoordinated, and weak… if you’re doing it properly… and have a good teacher.
Sounds appealing right? Lol.
After a year you begin to understand what yoga is truly about. It’s about learning your body. Connecting with it. Getting to know it. And accepting it. I don’t mean acceptance in the sense of the “body love” movement. I mean you truly come to understand it’s strengths, it’s weaknesses, it’s idiosyncrasies… because trust me, we all have them… and we learn that it’s ok. Our body is unique. And it is ours. It is our responsibility to care for. And it will do exactly as we tell it to, within the scope of its accepted capabilities. We begin to understand the meaning of control when it comes to our body. The quality of (sustainable) effort we put in, is a direct reflection of what it gives us back. Let me say that again…
The *quality* of (sustainable) effort we put into our body, is a direct reflection of what it gives us back.
That is what yoga teaches.
But to truly learn that to a point of *understanding* deeply within our bones, takes time… and dedication. And what I love most? There are no shortcuts.
Once this lesson has been learned, it can be applied anywhere in life. It doesn’t have to be. We can still choose to take shortcuts in life. We will still get quick fixes and instant satisfaction, with a lot less effort. However, applying the yogic philosophy, gives us very different results. Quality.
The only reason I started this blog this way was because I woke up thinking about yoga. It is a passion of mine. I have practiced and loved yoga for over 15 years. However, it wasn’t until I trained to become a teacher that my true love affair with it began. That’s when I began to see it as a life philosophy more than just some poses and stretches. I feel like that’s when I truly began to understand the gift it gives us. Breath and movement. That is life in its most simplistic form.
Ok ok, enough about yoga already.
As I woke up in my neglected bedroom, in my share house, this morning, it occurred to me that although I had considered myself having been in a few relationships since my marriage, there had always been factors that didn’t make it “quite real.” Don’t get me wrong, it felt real… emotionally it was very real. However, even being emotionally invested, every other part of my life remained untouched by the other person. I never neglected my room, or came home to strangers as housemate’s because I rarely saw them anymore. It had never been all encompassing. We’d never gone on walks with each others friends, or played scrabble, or snuggled on a couch. It had become so familiar to me that these things simply weren’t part of my relationships, that I forgot they existed. So much so, that it has been a struggle to remember how to physically connect with someone in the day-to-day. And considering the last person I actually did that with was my ex-husband, it has also been confronting at times, and painful at times, and sad at times. Having said that though… it has also been nourishing beyond belief. My soul finally feels alive again. I hadn’t realised how shrivelled it had become. I am a tactile person. And to be honest, it may sound weird, but there is nothing better for me on this planet, than to lay snuggled up against Him, my body following every detail of His, my head nestled into His shoulder, my face in His armpit, just smelling His scent. lol yeah I’m weird. But those things… touch, warmth, smell, the sounds of His body, His heartbeat. It just simultaneously transports me to heaven, and brings me solely to that moment of U/us, suspended in time. I wish I could bottle it. If there was a “thing,” that would be my ultimate addiction. My ultimate drug.
What on earth does this have to do with yoga?
What I forgot about was how hard relationships are. Trying to mesh two lives together in a way that makes you both feel like it’s worth it. I often hear people speaking of NRE… New Relationship Energy, and how much they love it and how addictive it can be. Yeah, not for me. I hate it. I hate building new relationships. It’s difficult and painful and super vulnerable for me. And to be honest, trying to do it as an adult, mindfully, makes it even more difficult. I always “fell into” relationships more than anything, throughout my life. So trying to do everything with thought and chosen action, is very new territory for me. And there have been many stuff ups along the way. I literally feel like a toddler learning to walk again. It feels like I’ve no experience to go by from my past. Add to that, the desire to try to shift from past negative behavioural patterns and habits, and that adds a whole new fun twist.
But over time… each time we overcome a hurdle… we get a little bit stronger. We trust a little more in the structure of what we’re building and creating. We come to understand that it takes time. And it takes learning. It takes connection. And it takes practice… dedication.
Ahhh… are you beginning to see?
When I apply what I say about yoga, to my struggles…
“You will hate (intimacy) for the first year. This is what I tell everyone who decides they want to try it. Why do I tell them this? Because it’s the truth. There are no quick fixes with (intimacy). There is no adrenaline rush. There is a little dopamine hit… but nothing like compared to (quick fixes).
It will make you feel awkward, clumsy, uncoordinated, and weak… if you’re doing it properly… and have a good teacher.
Sounds appealing right? Lol.
After a year you begin to understand what (intimacy) is truly about. It’s about learning your (relationship). Connecting with it. Getting to know it. And accepting it. I don’t mean acceptance in the sense of the (how we think it “should” be) movement. I mean you truly come to understand it’s strengths, it’s weaknesses, it’s idiosyncrasies… because trust me, we all have them… and we learn that it’s ok. Our (relationship) is unique. And it is ours. It is our responsibility to care for. And it will do exactly as we tell it to, within the scope of its accepted capabilities. We begin to understand the meaning of control when it comes to our (relationship). The quality of (sustainable) effort we put in, is a direct reflection of what it gives us back. Let me say that again…
The *quality* of (sustainable) effort we put into our (relationship), is a direct reflection of what it gives us back.
That is what yoga teaches.
But to truly learn that to a point of *understanding* deeply within our bones, takes time… and dedication. And what I love most? There are no shortcuts.”
